A Look into My Intentional Wellness Journey

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As a bonus this week, I’d like to post my yearly review of 2019. This video will give you a bit of insight into my personal wellness journey: Why I really got serious about wellness? and Different principles of wellness I’ve tried?

Similarly, there’s some great gems about the prep work it took for me to build my systems of wellness. If you’d like to skip through the video, here are some great time links fo you:

2:28 Summary of Q1: Sickness

08:15 Summary of Q2: Recovery

10:14 Practical steps I put in place to start my wellness journey

12:16. Summary of Q3: Enacting systems of wellness

15:00. Summary of Q4: Doing the work

20:38. Relationships?

23:48. Goals and Accomplishments

I know the video is long, but it is a full view into my life and thought process. I hope it brings some hope to you all!

Building a Basic Wellness Plan

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Hello Everyone!

Today’s post is a quick video on wellness plans: what are they? and how to start building one? The video is a bit long, but information heavy. I hope it encourages you all on your journey!

Are you caught up with our Instagram feed?

What if I told you that I maintained this body for 3 weeks without working out? Well, it's true! Learn how to cook beyond chicken alfredo to keep your body right, tight, and ready to go in 5 easy steps. Link in Bio. #healthy #healthyfood #healthyrecipes #foodporn #blessedlife #greatful #midyearmotivation #selfcare #growingup #blackgirlwellness #blackgirlbloggers #wellnessworld #wellness #wellnessbalanced #wellnessday #bloggerstyle #blackgirl #BlackGirlBlogging #blackgirlblog #blackwellness #wellnessjourney #mindbodyspirit #mindbodysoul
I’m working to no longer look at food as good and bad. I try to see it for the nutrients it can give. This is why I can eat a brownie with a bowl of stir fry without feeling any sort of way about it. Tomorrow on the blog, I’ll be sharing how I put together my meals to ensure I can enjoy eating and still meet my physical goals. #blackandblessed #foodporn #blessedlife #greatful #midyearmotivation #selfcare #growingup #maturity #maturityquotes #blackgirlwellness #blackgirlbloggers #wellnessworld #wellnessaddict #wellness #wellnessbalanced #wellnessday #bloggerstyle #blackgirl #BlackGirlBlogging #blackgirlblog #blackwellness #wellnessjourney #mindbodyspirit #mindbodysoul
I have always been the black girl in awkward spaces. If I'm too ethnic, loud, or "suspicious", I'm at risk of harassment, stalking, and death. If I'm too articulate, educated, or wealthy, I'm ostracized from my community AND at risk of harassment, stalking, and death. While I don't have all the answers to the many problems with this, today on the blog, I discuss one of those awkward spaces. “Which takes precedence in life: black identity or Christ?” Link in Bio. #blackandblessed #blessed #livelikeyouknow #blessedlife #greatful#midyearmotivation #selfcare #growingup #maturity #maturityquotes #blackgirlwellness #blackgirlbloggers #wellnessworld #wellnessaddict #wellness #wellnessbalanced #wellnessday #bloggerstyle #blackgirl #BlackGirlBlogging #blackgirlblog #blackwellness #wellnessjourney #mindbodyspirit #mindbodysoul

Update!

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Hello Everyone!

To those who are new, welcome! For those who have followed in the past, thanks so much for all of your encouragement and support. A life update will be coming later this week to explain all of the many reasons why I keep neglecting this avenue of my life, lol. But really, due to the COVID-19, shelter in place, I am pushing to upload and push so much more content, and to really get creative in the way I deliver that. With that being said! This blog will be moving in a bit of a different direction, in that I’ve grown so much. When I started this blog, I was 20 years old, and all I cared about was looking cute, making money to stay cute, and making it to my next lecture. As you will hear in my update coming, I am more concerned with my overall health, wellness, and growth these days. That theme will most likely spill over to this platform as well. With that being said. I am so excited for all of the many changes and evolutions this will take. The first of which is our new Instagram page @kandidkayla.co! Here you will find more on-demand engagement. I am planning to use both this website and Instagram as our hubs for communication and content resource. Even in these uncertain times, I’m so excited to see the journey this will take all of us! So, see you on the journey!

Mi’Kayla

2017 in Rewind

  

So yearly, I tend to do reflections of the previous year and projections for the following year.  Last year, I did not do this.  I didn’t go into 2017 reflecting on what I’d like to change in or how I planned to progress.  I low key regret this. Nonetheless, I’m doing a reflection and projection this year.  

So in short, this year was really rough.  As a country, 2017 was rough, but as an African-American woman it was arguably worse. Not to give him any credit, but the devil was busy. I had a ton of highs: I graduated college with no debt and multiple degrees. I was accepted into VCU’s PhD program in Chemistry. I’ve met so many good friends and family and even rekindled some old friendships. I’ve, so far, lost and kept off 13lbs, and counting. And I’ve had a ton of personal achievements that I hadn’t been able to meet before.  However, with every high, there were some caveats. Emotionally, I struggled bad.  Only those closest to me really understand, but I’ve spent 90% of 2017 depressed. This year spiritually for me was all about trusting God blindly. I had to decide would I be willing to follow his direction, in the form of a still small voice, without any signs or understanding, just simple instruction, or would I form my own path. At the end of 2016, I prayed and told the Lord that I trusted him, wholeheartedly. What I didn’t know was that I was answering that previous paradox without understanding the ramifications that came with it. Trusting him blindly came with a lot of uncertainty. I had to be able to hear the small voice over the lies of my past, the lies in my present, and the lies spoken over my future.  I had to hear it over my personal doubts, over the doubts of others, over the facts ahead of me, and the haters behind me.  That is tough. In the thick of it, when you are overwhelmed by every voice besides that of the Lord, it feels a bit schizophrenic. I’m still walking through it, but I can say that I am more than a conqueror.  I was told not to apply to grad school by a professor that was close to me. I was openly insulted once I was admitted, by someone who couldn’t believe I would have made it that far. I was haunted by the teachers of my youth who told me I wouldn’t make it in the real world. It seems trivial, but the words of others hurt. I finally had to address the lies that I chose to believe and allow God to use them as fuel to propel me. I can say that despite every lie, every doubt, every “concern”, God’s destiny for my life reigns supreme! Everything I’ve prayed and asked for has been given. Every milestone I set, so far has been reached.  Despite me not having specific goals for the year, 2017 was my year of manifestation! 

So with that being said, I don’t have a theme for 2018 quite yet. I don’t have an understanding of where God is taking me.  I’m signing up again to be willing to trust and follow him blindly without foresight and understanding.  I’m reflecting and understanding what I want to take from 2017 to step and continue to grow in 2018. I have goals I plan to achieve, which I won’t share for personal reasons, but I do plan to live by a simple understanding: Life is life, and God is the author of all. Regardless of time, distance, and space, He rules over ALL! Live for today, laugh about tomorrow, don’t worry about nothing. What will be will be, and what God has for me is for me. Laugh hard, laugh loud, laugh honestly! Cry hard, worry less, and mourn the loss of the disappointments.

Major Key: Live Your Life

So by now you are ready to start your resolutions and get on with your 10 days of trying and then quitting.  The major keys I’ve shared so far will hopefully be able to enrich your life further than that of a new years resolution.  With this, the last major key I recommend for the new year is to live your life.

Many of us in times of transition where our lives are changing don’t know what this looks like. So saying live our life, doesn’t look like anything tangible. However, I believe that doing the following things can help you formulate your own view of what that looks like for you.

First thing is to be present.  A lot of times people focus too much on the past or the future.  Rather than focusing on what you could’ve or should’ve done, learn from your mistakes and move forward.  Rather than hoping and wishing, learn to set yourself up for what future you want.  This is more attainable when you write out your inner feelings, rather than simply verbalizing it, so that you can visually release your feelings.  Also, I recommend vision boards so that your dreams are in sight and in mind often.  Also, to present in your life you need to live in your experiences.  Even in hard situations, such as arguments, don’t check out.  You should participate.  You will gain something from the experience. 

Second I recommend you focus on your own life.  This goes hand in hand with being present, because the two are almost simultaneous.  If you mind your own business and work hard to enrich your life, you won’t have time to not be present in your life. A friend of mine says that people who talk about other people’s situations don’t usually have anything going for themselves.  This is true. Those people usually don’t have a good handle on their own lives either.  When focusing on your life, your life will begin to feel more present. Thus, you’ll be able to be happy for others and truly enjoy the life around you. You will grow spiritually and emotionally.  You will begin to gain greater revelation for your life. You won’t be easily offended. You will gain humility. Your life will begin to seem more clear as you begin to find the kinks and sort them with God.  You can’t do any of that, though, if you are focusing on a speck in someone else life.  

Third, to live your life, you need to be a better participant in society.  Most people are fairly good citizens. They pay their taxes. They don’t hurt anyone. I am talking about enriching the world around you.  Give something unique, that only you can give, to the world around you. Influence someone. Mentor someone. Love someone. Be a friend to someone. All of these will help you live your life because you’d be interacting with others around you. 

Fourth, to live your life, you must live.  The only way to live and be able to endure is to find joy.  Many people find their happiness.  This process is very similar to the process shown in the movie “Eat, Pray, Love”, but finding joy is a much different process.  Joy is directly connected to hope.  The only true hope is found in Jesus. As you grow further in Christ, your hope will grow and thus your joy will grow. 

Lastly, to live your life you have to “do you boo!” Find your own convictions. Live by them. Do what brings you peace and aligns with those convictions.  Listen to God, not the critics. 

With all of these, you should be able to live your life to the fullest.  You’ll have very little regrets. You’ll be more fulfilled. And there will be a confidence in you that will grow as you allow God to be your judge.  

Matthew 6:34 “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Ephesians 5:15-16 “Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.” 

Proverbs 14: 27 “The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.”

Major key 4: Embrace and enjoy your single-hood

Major key number 4 in my series is all about the journey of embracing and enjoying single-hood.  I have discussed this here on this platform before. It seems almost like a broken record, but I feel as though it is so very important that it’s worth revisiting.  I will be talking about this from a bit of a different perspective: learning your worth, defining your worth, and enacting your worth. 

As I’ve stated in the past, it is so important for single people to take advantage of that time.  This is the time to really learn who you are and how to really get close to God without any distractions.  In 1 Corinthians 7, the Bible talks about the unmarried being devoted to God as though God is their husband and allowing God to really become their life.  This is not to say that we single people should be monks; however, God is wanting to do great things in our lives, but not just to prepare us for our future spouse.  So many people devote themselves to God on the condition that God would bless them with the spouse.  God knows our motives and our heart.  We should genuinely want to get closer to him regardless of if we are granted with a spouse or not.  Also, the testimony of what he wants to do in our lives as His bride surpasses our desire to be married, if we allow him to do those things in our lives.  Nonetheless, I do believe that in the coming year, from what I’ve seen in so many singles around me, it is so important that we are deliberately conscious of our worth.  People talk about being “woke”, but let’s get “woke” about our worth. 

God goes through and he teaches us of our worth as we walk through our single journey with him, at least in my experience.  It didn’t come overnight, though. It did come from me studying the Bible and really asking soul-searching type questions. God has taught me so much about the worth of his bride, being us his children, and the significance of his life being the price that was paid for us.  This means that our worth is of the highest price, eternal. This is so important as you begin your journey because it will really help you to understand yourself through God’s eyes.  It is probably the most significant thing you’ll ever learn as it relates to your God given identity. 

Once you learn your worth, you’ll begin to journey through your call and your earthly significance. You’ll begin to define your worth, particularly as to what you are to you.  How much are you worth to yourself? What situations are deal breakers for you as it relates to your relationships and life choices? What are you willing to acknowledge as to what you are called? What categories define you, if any categories define you? All of these questions and more are so vital to the growth of your individualism and your journey in single-hood.  

Lastly, once you know all of these things, your life will change.  You will become a different type of person, as you will know who you are and whose you are in Christ.  You will have a clear understanding of your true value, and thus you will learn to enact your worth.  You will not put yourself in the situations you are not willing to deal with.  You will be more self aware of your true desires and compassions. You will begin to structure and live a life of joy as you would not question yourself or your surroundings.  This is not to say that there will be some gloomy days or that you may not go through a bought of depression, but it will be much easier to handle those things as you will be aware of who you are and how to get yourself out of a funk. 

Single-hood is a consistent journey, so when you have gone through the process of knowing your worth, there is always new things that God will take you into. The journey is a process. It doesn’t take overnight. In the coming year, take the time to enjoy it and really savor those moments, because it may not last forever and you’ll never get that time back.

Major Key: Take a look back!

Habukkuk 2:2 "Then the LORD replied: 'Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.'"

A major key that I have been using since I've been accelerating my relationship with God has been to pray and ask God for a projection for the coming year and to reflect on what I’ve learned in the past years.  This allows me to have summaries of what God’s done for me and to really reflect on everything that’s happened, without having to go through my old journals. 

With this, below are my old summaries and projections for the last few years. I hope you all enjoy. Until next time, stay blessed!

 

2013

Everyday I begin to discover more and more about myself: some days more, some days less. I begin to recognize those who are important to me and/or not so important; people I love and people I tolerate, and everyone in between.  In 2013, though, I really took a HUGE leap in understanding more than myself, but also, who I love, the promises that God has for me, and the concepts of time, timelessness, and love. I suppose I should journey in 2014 to ponder and understand such connecting topics that include: how to love those I love and the importance of time (as it relates to patience and opportunity).

2014

After reflecting over 2014, I would like to declare God has taught me something new yet again. 

In 2013 God really taught me a lot about love, both earthly and heavenly, but in 2014, even in it not being over, I feel as though he had taught me a lot about how to love.  

I have come to the conclusion that the ONLY way to love is to first love God and second love yourself enough to love someone else.  I think that people when they look at Matthew 22: 37-39, in which Christ gives the instructions to love God and love your neighbor, they don't apply it to their love life in particular, but I think it's the best example out. The concept of loving a spouse or a companion in any way will not work unless you first love God then love yourself enough to love others. If you don't love God then you don't really know anything about love, at all.  If you don't know how to love yourself then you won't know that the way you express love is either right or wrong. If you don't love yourself enough to respect yourself enough then you won't know how to allow others to love you intern not knowing how to allow yourself to love them.  

I also learned from this that loving yourself is not easy. I see a lot of my friends getting engaged, married, into relationships, and having babies, and I'm honestly happy for them, but through what I've learned this year, it's okay to be alone. You can learn how to love yourself with someone else, but the work has to be done yourself. Someone can tell you how great you are, but when that person's gone, do you believe it? Do you love yourself enough to know that you deserve better? 

You have to love yourself enough to not envy others but to rather find contentment and wholeness in the love that God has for you and the Love you have for yourself. 

2015 is about enacting God's purpose for my life at full force. There will be no procrastinating, no reneging, no negotiations, simply obedience. He has been very clear with every portion of my life thus far: where to go to school, what to major in, what to do with that education, who to spend time with, etc. and yet I've still been acting as though he's not given me a road map for dummies. I say this to say if any of you all catch me slipping, Stop me! Confront me! And set me straight! I have no more time for games and certainly no more patience for my own ignorance. It's do time. With this being said, 2015 will be the most expansive, difficult, most fulfilling year of my life. And I'm ready!!!

2015

My theme for 2015: where's my place? What do I offer the world that can't be given by someone else?

Answer: I'm supposed to be in an uncomfortable place. A place where I am forced to work hard everyday to be who I am called to be. If I am not uncomfortable, I'm complacent. If I'm complacent, I'm not pressing deep enough. In pressing deeper, I need to be in a place of fearlessness by which I need to not be afraid to tell the truth and specifically my truth. If I love, then I love. If I don't like, then I don't like. If I heard from God, I heard from God. There should be no fear of my truth regardless of how others may take it.

I know what I offer to the world, but I'm still working on what specifically makes me unique.

What I've learned in 2015:

1. "If you want to live a comfortable life, make sure you never love nobody, be selfish, and never sacrifice."

2. Fear is preconditioned by the mind. Address things head on. The things that matter so much, don't really matter if they don't affect your health, wholeness, and spirituality, and even then God's got you so you really don't have an excuse to be fearful. 

2b. Regardless of what you may see, God's always working on your behalf. You have to walk by faith and not by sight. 

3. The way to get acceptance is realizing you don't need it. 

4. Don't ever spit on, or allow someone to spit on, the blessings that God has given you, promised you, or told you. You cannot allow other people's disbelief to waiver your faith in those things either. God cannot be rationalized, so don't allow people to try to rationalize your interactions with Him. 

5. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8). While I haven't mastered this yet, I am working on it.

6. It's going to hurt when someone leaves your life, but it's important that we see it as the furthering of their purpose rather than the ending of a friendship. 

7. It is possible to be content with just you and God without any other distractions. Don't forget to be open, though to new opportunities. 

8. Take delight in the Lord.

Goals in 2016:

1. Get what's mine. God has given me many things that I have either not gotten or have been taken. I am going to get them back. 

2. Launch myself and my website. 

3. Continue healing, growing, conquering, and thriving. 

4. Press in deeper to God for more than just a word, but for a deeper relationship.

2016 is also the fourth year in my journey of really pressing into God. Where four means creation, 2016 is also added together to the number 9 meaning divine completion or finality. I am believing that God is going to create a newness within me that will complete me as who I was as a child and completely catapult me into my young adult walk. I am expecting God to bring me to a place where he is solely my judge, by which no other "judge" will matter. I am also believing that he will create new healthy relationships that are absent of expectation, and finally put some relationships to rest.

 

Major Key: Healthy Relationships are the Best Relationships

So last time, I discussed how to make relationships. Today I will be talking about how to formulate these relationships to be healthy and to last. 

In Proverbs 18:24, the Bible says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”  My first advice to making lasting relationships is to not try to make so many.  It is wise to keep your inner circle small.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t have many acquaintances or know many people, but keep your private life within the confines of your inner circle. 

Second, I recommend you growing relationships before you put someone in the title of “friend that sticks closer than a brother”.  This position should be a coveted position that is not easily given away. This in our minds is the best friend position. Many people, especially people who have lost a best friend or do not have many friends, make the mistake of giving this position to the highest bidder, without evaluating people’s motives.  

Third, I recommend that you frequently evaluating your friendships.  Especially in the beginning, make sure that both parties involved are on the same page.  Don’t start calling someone “best friend” if they are not calling you “best friend”. Ask if that is an appropriate title.  This may seem elementary, but it saves both parties the heartache of miscommunication. Ask if there is something that the person doesn’t like and don’t be afraid of communicating what you don’t like in the relationship.  The small things you don’t like in the beginning are building blocks to big fall outs.  

The fourth key is found in John 15:13 which says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” I don’t recommend stepping in front of a bullet. However, I do recommend you doing simple things like putting your pride aside and defending your friend in an argument, and coming to their aid when they are in times of need. 

The fifth key is to be honest. In Proverbs 27: 9, it says, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” The greatest relationship builder is truth.  This is particularly important in arguments. Give the honest truth and tell it in love always.  This will illuminate the need for gossip, back stabbing, and jealousy.

The sixth key is to be there for the person.  In the previous post, I discussed doing unto others.  If your friend is always there for you, but you never reciprocate, that doesn’t make you a friend, that makes you a user. To be a friend, you must serve your friend and be here for them in the same ways that they are there for you.  This doesn’t apply to revenge, like an eye for an eye, but rather in the case of an altercation, be honest about the hurt, as described above. 

The last key is to be kind.  This seems simple, but it is the most important key of all as it is often forgotten as a friendship progresses.  Job 6: 14 says, “He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” The kindness is what keeps the respect and boundaries in place to allow for the longevity of the relationship.

Unfiltered Life

Hey guys, 

Thanks for coming back! Today I’m writing about un-filtering our lives. With this being the social media age, we are all obsessed with the impressions that we put out of ourselves.  We filter our pictures, videos, and ideals.  We are getting away from the real and honest.  Those who do embrace truth, are seen as vigilantes and intolerant. I just wonder what it would look like if we took the filters off, if we were honest with ourselves about everything. If we were honest about our feelings, our love, our thoughts, our doubts, our hurts, our concerns, our fears, or even our wants, how much more fulfilled would our lives be.  

Back in 2014, I began a journey by which I pushed to be honest about every part of me. I looked to eliminate any lies from my reality. This is harder than it seems.  It is especially much more painful, as most people prefer the lie over the truth. With this being said, I had to open myself up to the truth about my feelings, about myself, about others, and about life.  I had to be open to myself about the fact that I had opinions about everything and that I was strong willed.  I had to be honest about my love, and the fact that I did not really love myself. I was even honest about my thoughts and that they weren’t 100% pure.  Yes, I didn’t curse out loud, but it was still a thought which is just as bad.  I was even honest with my doubts. Even though God had promised me things, and some of those things were coming to pass, I was still doubtful about him fulfilling those promises.  Honestly, I’m still a bit doubtful at times.  I was honest about hurts from my past and some of my present situations.  I was honest about my concerns for my future and that I was scared for the steps ahead.  I was honest about the fact that I’m scared to love anyone or anything, at the expense that I might lose them.  Although I had this fear, I had to be honest about the fact that I wanted to be a spouse and a parent one day.  These honesties among others are the truths that I would have never known had I continued to hide behind the lies.   

Now, this is not to negate me wearing makeup or editing my photos and videos, as I don’t mind going without those,  but I’m talking about the filters that were hindering my spiritual growth. I was hiding behind Lord help me prayers, rather than dealing with the fact that I was hurting myself. I wasn’t being transparent with him about my motives for praying certain prayers and doing certain things. I now know I don’t have to filter who I am, because God sees me for me regardless of if I am honest to myself. How honest I am, though, does directly relate to the power that I give to God behind the wheel of my life. Standing in the truth allows God to remove the lies. No, honesty doesn’t feels good.  If we are all honest, yes we would get the tough love more often, but we would have received it from ourselves first. Then, it doesn’t hurt as bad when it’s coming from someone else.  

Being honest and taking off the facade takes guts, and it’s not an easy road.  I started my journey and consciously pushing for truth two almost three years ago, and I’m still working. I am the first to say that I am not perfect, and that I still have many filters that I hide behind, but I’m not staying behind them.  I am working to venture into taking the filters off of my faith, my testimony, and more of my desires. In doing this, it will be a hard journey.  It is already a bit difficult as it’s stripping away some of my securities, but I’m sure it will be worth it.  I want to get to a place where someone questions the promises over my life, and I refer them to the verses where God confirmed those promises to me. I want to be in a place where God can say head west, with no further direction, and I go. I want to take off the stereotypes of God and the interpretations given to him by others, and just understand him for who he is. I want to be able to be honest about the things I want, without feeling hesitation.  I am working on being unfiltered with God, but also with others.  Turning off the mute button, and speaking up, is the difficult part for me, but I’m still working on it. That is the whole part of my journey though.   

But what about your journey? How can you become unfiltered, not only to yourself, but to God? What would you lose if you took the filter off? Most importantly, what would you gain? 

Psalm 15:1-2 O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart;

Zechariah 8:16 These are the things that you shall do: Speak the truth to one another; render in your gates judgments that are true and make for peace;