So last time, I discussed how to make relationships. Today I will be talking about how to formulate these relationships to be healthy and to last.

In Proverbs 18:24, the Bible says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” My first advice to making lasting relationships is to not try to make so many. It is wise to keep your inner circle small. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have many acquaintances or know many people, but keep your private life within the confines of your inner circle.

Second, I recommend you growing relationships before you put someone in the title of “friend that sticks closer than a brother”. This position should be a coveted position that is not easily given away. This in our minds is the best friend position. Many people, especially people who have lost a best friend or do not have many friends, make the mistake of giving this position to the highest bidder, without evaluating people’s motives.

Third, I recommend that you frequently evaluating your friendships. Especially in the beginning, make sure that both parties involved are on the same page. Don’t start calling someone “best friend” if they are not calling you “best friend”. Ask if that is an appropriate title. This may seem elementary, but it saves both parties the heartache of miscommunication. Ask if there is something that the person doesn’t like and don’t be afraid of communicating what you don’t like in the relationship. The small things you don’t like in the beginning are building blocks to big fall outs.

The fourth key is found in John 15:13 which says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” I don’t recommend stepping in front of a bullet. However, I do recommend you doing simple things like putting your pride aside and defending your friend in an argument, and coming to their aid when they are in times of need.

The fifth key is to be honest. In Proverbs 27: 9, it says, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” The greatest relationship builder is truth. This is particularly important in arguments. Give the honest truth and tell it in love always. This will illuminate the need for gossip, back stabbing, and jealousy.

The sixth key is to be there for the person. In the previous post, I discussed doing unto others. If your friend is always there for you, but you never reciprocate, that doesn’t make you a friend, that makes you a user. To be a friend, you must serve your friend and be here for them in the same ways that they are there for you. This doesn’t apply to revenge, like an eye for an eye, but rather in the case of an altercation, be honest about the hurt, as described above.

The last key is to be kind. This seems simple, but it is the most important key of all as it is often forgotten as a friendship progresses. Job 6: 14 says, “He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” The kindness is what keeps the respect and boundaries in place to allow for the longevity of the relationship.