5 Tips for Navigating and Overcoming Crisis

Knowing when you are unwell is a vital and inevitable part of wellness. Times when we are not well, or crisis as I'll refer to it, are going to happen. More recently with the pandemic, economic struggles, volatile social tensions, and political turmoil, a crisis is undoubtedly knocking on many of our doors. Coming out of 2020 and moving into 2021, we need to stop holding in our pain and grow through the hard times to enjoy the year to come. At the moment, working through a crisis seems unmanageable. However, navigating and overcoming these struggles boils down to five simple steps. 

1. Learn how to love yourself. In our Love THROUGH Crisis blog post, I discuss in great detail how to love yourself and teach others to love you in times when you are unwell.

2. Work your wellness plan. In our How to Build a Wellness plan post, you will find detailed instructions for constructing a thorough wellness plan that will account for your systems of wellness and plan for a crisis.

3. Giving yourself time to feel, heal, and process.

4. Seeking help from your community.

5. Showing up for yourself daily to do the work that it takes to get back well.

Please see the video for a full investigation into these 5 tips. 

Work From Home: COVID College Back to School Tricks for Fall 2020

So school is starting back and with COVID a good work from home set up is essential. As someone who has been exclusively working from home for about a year and a half, I have a few quick tips and tricks I've learned from grad school for ensuring a successful and productive semester.

1. Set up space and ambiance. Setting the mood will trick your mind into being productive every time. Dedicate a space away from your bed so you don’t bring work into your rest space. I recommend an office space or desk, to keep your work consolidated. I also make my way to the floor often, but in the same workspace, my desk is in. Also, light helps with mood and a positive mindset. So, light a candle, get a nice lamp with a daylight bulb, and tons of windows. If you can't get near windows, make sure you get about 30 minutes of daylight a day to help with serotonin levels. Lastly, if you need your space to stay neat, ensure that you dedicate a space for everything you need. If clutter doesn’t bother you, try to keep a nice space to try something new. 

2. Organize your time. If you don’t tell your time where to go, you’ll have your time telling you where to go. Put together a schedule. I recommend adding your course times and dedicated study times to your google calendar, so you never miss class times. (Hint: add the zoom links to the calendar so you just click and join the course.) With this, also, give yourself dedicated work times. Know when to stop working, so you don’t become a work-a-holic.

3. Try to work un-bothered. Distracted working makes it take much longer to get tasks completed. Work under time blocks that dedicate specific times to different tasks. Turn on background music, preferably without words, and knock out tasks. I don't recommend listening to podcasts or watching anything, as these split your effort for concentration. 

4. Set weekly planning meetings. I use a very minimalistic bullet journal system coupled with the top 3 methods to organize my entire life. Once a week, I put in my weekly objectives, and categorize them into the course of the next days. As things are completed, I mark them off the list, so by Friday, I have a record of my productivity. Whether using a bullet journal or a planner, ensure that you are planning out your week and objectives to make your organized time productive. 

5. Deeply enforce a work-life balance. Go to class. Study. Do all of your assignments early and on time. BUT never forget to have fun. Take advantage of not having to travel. Collaborate where you can virtually. Pick up a side hobby outside. Learn to garden. Whatever it is that you like to do for a release, that’s COVID permitting, do it! 

It’s just that simple. With a formulated workspace, a solid schedule, planning sessions, and boundaries between work and life. You can crush the semester with a breeze. 

For those who are teaching from home/have smaller children, enforce these same principles, but modify them for your child’s needs. Ensure that they have a workspace that’s clear from their favorite distractions. Plan out their weekly objectives. Make them work during dedicated times on a schedule so they can anticipate playtime, and let them play when they’re not working. While it may be different, we all can still succeed while social distancing and taking care of business from the comfort of our own homes. 

5 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started Dating

I started dabbling with dating at around 15 years old. Over the last almost 10 years, I’ve learned so much about life, love, and relationships from the view of a single woman. So, after much thinking and praying, I’ve compiled a list of 5 things I know now that I wish I knew at 15.

1. It’s not enough to like each other. It’s so much more complicated than that. 

   1. We make it complicated. 

   2. Communication helps with that 

2. The heart is deceiving, so what’s love got to do with it? 

   1. You can talk yourself into/out of loving anyone and anything

   2. It’s alright to be a sexual being. There’s a sin to be sexual. Don’t act on it. Go to Godly counsel. Talk it out. Be honest.

   3. Ensure that you go into any situation with perceptive eyes and not desiring eyes: saves a world of heartache. 

3. There’s nothing wrong with you: being you, having standards, knowing what you want. 

   1. Who says you have to be in relationships? 

   2. What’s wrong with singleness again? You can have friends…

   3. There are miles on your heart… Be careful how far you drive it… it may get callous

4. The answer isn’t Dick/Coochie!

   1. You’re sad, fix it. You’re happy, enjoy it. You’re bored, cure it. 

   2. The angry black woman doesn’t need to be dicked down. She needs to be heard. 

   3. Remember the gateway to your soul is often between your legs… guard it.

5. It’s nice to be desired, but it’s unparalleled to be respected. 

   1. You can be cordial with ex’s if there’s mutual respect

   2. If you know you’re beautiful, what does it matter

   3. Network and community are more valuable than perception. 

While there’s much to be said about relationships, the journey through your love life is an individualized one.  don’t believe the Lord wants us to endure the ups and downs of romance. There is a certain level of ambiguity and unknown to every relationship because everyone’s paths are different, but knowing what the Word says and applying it to your boundaries and desires will protect you from years of hurt, pain, and sorrow.

I'm Called, but I'm Scared: Walking into Your Calling NOW!

The Lord rarely places you in your calling at the time you're called. More often than not, in the examples of Joseph, David, and Jesus in the Bible, the Lord will call you and have you wait and mature before giving you the position. These passages are commonly preached from a position of being patient in the waiting and the preparation. But what happens when God says to go?

Recently, I've started two small businesses. In the middle of a pandemic, I thought that I had more waiting to do before these businesses were established. KandidKare, in particular, I've been working in my waiting for 3 years. When the Lord said it was time to launch, I had gotten so comfortable in the waiting I wasn't ready. I had done all of the prep work and all of the formulating, but the feet to faith stirred immense fear. 

The nice thing about God is that He will tell you to go at any time, so we must be ready at all times. Had Joseph been too proud to interpret the other prisoner's dream, he would've never walked into his elevation. If David was not confident enough to choose to slay Goliath, he would have never walked into kingship. If Jesus had been to fearful to take up his cross, none of us could be saved. While Jesus is perfect, His example, as well as the others mentioned, proves the point that we must always be ready. 

While the Bible doesn't talk about the frame of mind of these individuals in these times, we cannot omit that there may have been a level of fear involved. For Jesus, He asked the Lord to take the cup from Him. For Joseph, he was in the lowest position possible: prison. For David, he was the smallest of his brothers. Undoubtedly, if there was no fear, there probably should have been. But when God calls you and enables you, you must move despite.  

As I've discussed over the last few weeks, I have been attacked on every front possible when starting these businesses: the finances don't add up, someone tried to steal my ideas, my family has been attacked, I've lost loved ones, my AC has gone out, imposter syndrome has crept in, and my anxiety has been on 1000%. Even in all of these things, the Lord said NOW!

Even in apparent fear, when called, you go. God doesn't call the qualified, he enables the called. Knowing this, you push through the fear. As Isaiah 6:8 says, "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" Respond to the call, and go. 

I wish I had simple steps to help build the faith to overcome fear, but sometimes, it's just that simple. Step out on faith. You might not be able to see the next step, but take it knowing that God has called you and will instruct you accordingly. 

Always Working Because You Never Arrive

Maybe because I'm young, I feel as though I am ever-evolving. I do yearly update videos. From year to year, the woman on the other side of the screen/camera the next year is so much different from the years prior. I know this will be no different in my 2020 year review. With this, it's easy for me to know that I've not arrived. But at times, I still struggle with this unreal pride in having “arrived” with respect to my peers.

This concept of arrival is what is often warned against by mental health professionals. It's this concept that there is a mental state, monetary value, and/or social status that implies that you are in your final/greatest form. This mindset goes against the Bible (Phil. 1:4-6). 

To fight against this mindset, here are 3 motivators to encourage evolution and growth towards who the Lord would have us to become. 

1. Don't take Him for granted. The Lord is our fortress and our rock. He is a present help for us and a protector of our souls. He's provider, educator, redeemer, etc. In our growth, don't take His relationship and contribution for granted. Grow daily to learn Him and strengthen your relationship with Him, ensuring that he's at the center of all you do. 

2. Don't become prideful in your works. When you keep Christ first, this is a bit easier to do, but never think that you are higher than another man. The word says in Proverbs 3:7, "Do not be wise in your own eyes..." Don't believe that you are so much higher than others because your sin is not their sin or that you’re too good to go through certain situations. 

3. Be open to seeing yourself as God sees you. I often go through cycles with God where I forget that I'm a work in progress. Especially during the good times, I tend to receive a blessing as a "reward" for my "sanctification". I'm actively working to fix these mindset slips; however, to do so, I ask the Lord to show me myself in His eyes. This requires accepting the good, bad, ugly, and even hidden parts of myself that the Lord sees. Even in dying to your self daily, you will sin. Seeing yourself the way God does, allows you to pinpoint and consistently work on correcting those sins. 

Working these steps does not negate rejoicing in the good times. But remember when rejoicing in the advances, work still has to be done. 

Happiness in Every Season

Today's post is a bit of a different one. Attached above is an old video of 19-year-old Mi'Kayla spitting some facts. I discuss how to be happy when you're single. I wanted to clear a few things up. 

Being happy is not just a single problem; it's a life problem. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, happiness is not guaranteed, only joy is. With this, I have been striving for happiness for years. Through this method, and revamping the method over time based on my life changes, I have found happiness even in times of stress, depression, and anxiety. 

In the video, I discuss that you should investigate 4 valuable questions: who are you? who do you want to be? what makes you happy? what do you want in a companion? 

While I emphasize the first 3 questions in the video, I've come to realize that the last question is very valuable as well. If you are in a space where you are looking to marry, you need to know what you want so that you don't settle for less. At 19, this question wasn't important for me to answer. At 24, it is. Honestly, had I answered it better at 19, I wouldn't have gone through as much as I went through in college relationally. 

Even if you have a spouse, knowing what kind of people you want in your space is valuable. So many times we have "friends" in our space that don't serve us and offer traits that lead to the depletion of our happiness. Knowing what character traits are beneficial and harmful to you will help you deal with stressors caused by others.

I also want to clarify that I don't believe God has us in single seasons for a reason. At least, I don't believe it in the context I discuss in the video. I will get to this on another post one day. But I whole-heartedly know that if someone wants to be married, they can be. You don't have to wait for God's timing. A lot of people don't. Note: I don’t ever recommend stepping out of God’s perfect will.

Lastly, being happy in any season is achievable with the first three steps. You have to want it for yourself. This goes back to building a wellness plan. A wellness plan will answer all of these questions and give insight to the intricacies of why certain things make you happy as you build/grow it.

This is not to say that every day you will be happy if you follow these steps because mental illness and circumstantial influences exist. BUT you are more likely to recover from stressors and find your happiness if you follow these steps. 

Dealing with Jealousy: Hatred, Imitation, and Mockery

Last month, the Lord was dealing with me about surrounding myself with jealous individuals. He had been protecting me from them, but he was now opening my eyes to their behaviors and the subsequent effects on me. Long story short, He is preparing me to learn how to deal with jealousy. Dealing with jealousy within yourself is easy. But maturity is in how you choose to deal with jealous individuals. 

The jealous scenarios He revealed to me were as simple as kids who would name call when I was younger and as complex as family members who consistently make comments. For years, I was so protected by the Lord that I could neither understand nor care about people's jealousy. Or I would love harder, pick up more insecurities, and accept these dysfunctions. 

It took 24 years and the Lord opening my eyes to show me the detriments in all of these. He’s also been showing me how my responses have been sinless, but wrong. 

Don’t get me wrong. This is not haters are gon’ hate type of post. I don’t believe that foolishness.

Last week, some of the insecurities relating to one person, in particular, had resurfaced. Side note: Why I didn’t expect this is beyond me, but here we are. My response was initially apathetic. This turned to pride, then anger, and now sadness. All of these responses are wrong, for reasons I’ll discuss shortly. 

Let’s be honest, we have all been jealous at one point or another in our lives. I remember being in kindergarten and being jealous of a classmate who had gel pens. It started as consistent compliments, then asking to borrow them, then anger when they didn’t oblige, and even theft. It was a whole thing. This situation resulted in a spanking, me giving that classmate the new pack of gel pens I didn’t know my parents bought me in exchange for the one I stole and losing my best friend. My mom quickly got me in check to learn probably the most valuable lessons about jealousy: What God has for you is for you. Be happy for others’ gifts even if you don’t have it. Lastly, why be jealous when God has given you so much more within yourself.

Taking those lessons into adolescence and adulthood, it’s very rare that I get jealous. Because I’m interested in the journey, if I am “jealous”, I typically ask about someone’s process to get what they have. This is not everyone’s perspective. Typically, the internal response to jealousy is hating, imitation, or hypercritical mockery, as stated before. 

Jealousy looks to pick a fight and make you look like the aggressor. For so long, being protected, I would respond by picking up insecurities and changing myself, often minimizing myself to make others feel comfortable. Because of my heart, I want for everyone to “win”. Since jealousy usually makes life competition and goes tit-for-tat, I would give up my calling, hide a trait, or give an idea away for someone to feel like their “winning”.

Last week, I was at a point, where I thought it’d be easier to just quit: quit blogging, quit grad school, quit social media. Maybe if I give up my work they would feel successful? If I need to be the villain for them to succeed, so be it. If I need to be the template to raise their self-esteem concerning my calling (they want to copy), even better. Since I’m the problem, I’ll leave. I will do whatever it takes for you to grow and “win”.

First, this apathy is NOT Christ-centered. Minimizing yourself minimizes your mission to the world. Life, while a collaborative effort, is not a team sport. In the same way, you come into the world, you will leave this world, alone. I cannot hand over my calling to anyone else or minimize my ministry and expect that person to succeed. The Bible says iron sharpens iron, but if I’m not doing what I need to, I’m not sharpening anyone. Lastly, I can neither give up nor compete for MY calling. What God has for me is for me. 

From my apathetic mindset, I picked up pride in the willingness to not compete. Taking pride in anything, but Christ alone is futile. 

Anywho, these two responses have proven to be “successful”, in that I “fight jealousy with love”. This fake love comes at the cost of personally feeling stifled and the other person usually getting angry. This anger turns to spite to prove their point: more direct comments and/or withdrawing, sulking and playing the victim. 

My natural response to this is anger as humanly justified. This response is wrong as well. By the example of Jesus with the Pharisees, you have to love others through your anger. Genuine love is saying the hard truths in love and exposing jealousy for what it is.  

Finally, sadness is an unacceptable response to jealousy. I truly feel sad when I realize that no matter what I do, even if it’s exactly what someone feels I should, it will never be enough to satisfy that person’s jealousy. The truth is, while there is room for everyone to win, not everyone wants to win. Some people are content chasing other people’s dreams forever and staying miserable in comparison. There’s nothing I can do about that. I can lead a horse to water, but I can’t make ‘em drink. 

So what’s the end-all-be-all? Dealing with jealousy is a part of life. While God protects us from some things, at some point we all have to make decisions in resolving it. You can leave, stay and love, and/or accept it, and have appropriate responses to it. Ultimately, you cannot pick up their jealousy as your insecurity, sin in anger, and/or internalize their struggle. 

Moving forward, how am I fixing myself? First, I have to fix my self-esteem and reevaluate my insecurities. I have to undo a lifetime of jealous influence. Second, I’m going to see those encounters for what they are: distractions from my mission. Lastly, learn to love harder. I didn’t know that was quite possible. In the same way that I want others to win, they can. But minimizing myself is stunting everyone’s growth. Be me and love people as I do. If they are jealous or don’t like it, that’s a them-problem, not a me-problem.

From the Pitfall of Perfection to the Pinnacle of Progression/Production

Hi, I’m Mi’Kayla and I’m a perfectionist. While life is never perfect, growing up, I had this idea that if I stayed true to God that everything would be perfect. This thought process was both detrimental and limiting the nature of God. 

Definitions of perfection imply that there are human conditions to achieving a flawless, sinless, and painless form. While God does offer grace, generosity, mercy, protection, and peace, his perfect-will does not align with our idea of perfection. I often use the analogy that if Job would’ve known that he would have had to lose everything to get double, would he have? Most people would say no because our perception of perfection doesn’t include trials or pain. 

When we align our perspective with God’s, we’re able to see that perfection is never achieved until death. With this, tackling expectations and desires often cause anxiety and feelings of defeat. While we can do all things unto the Lord, we can still fall short of what we perceive to be the mark. Thankfully, progression/productivity is more important than the ideology and idolatry of perfection. Similarly, the pinnacle in each is persistence, which we can achieve. 

The definition of progression is the process of developing or advancing. The definition of production is the action of curating or manufacturing from raw components.

Go down this rabbit hole with me if you will. First, when you accept Christ you are now on a journey. When along a journey, there should never be a place of stagnation or complacency. There should always be advancement and growth, even in waiting. This is why I stress so heavily the value of growth on this platform. Note, biblically speaking, even Daniel in the lion’s den was advancing though his physical position was not moving. In the same way, Joseph in the pit and the children of Israel in the desert were growing. So in our lives, we are always accelerating toward our “perfect” goal to be with Christ. I preface this to understand better the following. When we are living, building, and growing our relationships with God, we are simultaneously walking into the mission he has called for us. We should be producing something for the world, for we are the salt of the earth at a minimum. Thus, every step, every decision, every moment is the intersection of progression and production (even the wrong steps). 

Frankly speaking, there is no giving up. There is no time out. Time never stops, and your mission still awaits. So even if making a hasty decision or resting, follow the direction of the Lord. In the same way, when you get tired, persistence is key. 

I discussed last week that I often feel defeated by the lies of the enemy that shrewd my confidence in the value of my voice. At the end of the day, even if wrong, hard to write, or muffled by the circumstances of the world, I am called to be persistent in my progression/production. I must stop worshipping the idea of perfection and embrace the imperfection to grasp ahold of what God is cultivating in and through me. 

I don’t know who needed this post, but I know I did. Perfect is not going to happen. There will always be someone richer, someone smarter, someone funnier, etc. (fill in whatever you’re struggling with), so a comparison is futile. But God has called each of us to the progression, production, and persistence of growth and work for His glory and our advancement. 

I am a Christian. I am Sexy.

WARNING: Please be advised. The following conversation is controversial but heartfelt. This is what the Lord has been speaking to me. I am willing to discuss this in the comments below. Thank you.

When you look at this picture, how do you react/respond? Do you question my Christianity? Do you question my intelligence? Do you question my dignity? I hope not. Let’s discuss the elephant in the room. I am a sexy woman. While I don’t often lead with my body, you can’t deny that I offer a certain level of sex appeal. 

This is not because of what I’m wearing. It’s not because of the make up I have on either. It’s not from the heels I had kicked off or even the body shape under the clothes. Sexiness is a mindset, confidence, and a position (posture). 

Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way. Do I believe in the Bible verse that says to not cause your brother/sister to fall? Yes. But I equally believe the verse that talks about sin beginning in the heart. So when I choose to wear a bikini or a tight-fitting dress, the sin is not in my choice. The sin is in the heart first of the person lusting or judging. Logically, I cannot take responsibility for anyone else’s self-control and/or thought processes besides myself. 

Equally, we tend to relieve men of their responsibility to have self-control in exchange for the condemnation of women. The Word says, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, but there is accountability. Lastly, if sexiness and sexuality are not interchangeable, how are sex “appeal” and sexual response not treated the same?

I am a Christian. I am sexy. 

As a satisfied single woman, I’ve been investigating the concepts of sexiness. As someone who grew up in the American church, I've uncovered levels of shame, condemnation, misrepresentation, and judgment on this subject. Young women in the church are groomed to be virtuous cookie-cutter copies of "the perfect" woman (a discussion for another day), but somehow they are not encouraged to exercise their sexiness. There is much talk about modesty, meekness, and misogyny to the point of causing fear for women to be around men they find attractive. There’s no conversation, however, about owning your sexual identity. (I’m not talking about sexuality or sexual exploration.)

Sexual identity has been perverted and demonized. I have heard countless examples of young women who keep their virginity until marriage and then feel ashamed after having sex with their spouse. They had experienced so much condemnation for their sex appeal that they were misinformed on the greatest act of worship. 

Because of this, it was important for me to learn my sexiness. The first thing I learned was modesty is not the opposite of sexiness. I have been around some who believe women can’t wear pant. Others feel curly hair is “unprofessional/undone”. Many accept that only skinny women can modestly show their legs. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Modesty is a human standard, not a biblical standard. (Understand that all verses speaking of modesty were contextually comparing standards of idolatry. In America, we do idolize sex. So no, I don’t believe we should all walk around unclothed, but I do believe there is no shame in shorts and a little mid-drift.). 

The next thing I learned is that I wear what I feel led to wear. There is a level of understanding you gain as you are assured and aware of God in your life. This mindset allows you to see the world through a perspective of God’s omniscience and not your impotence. With this mindset, there is no low self-esteem, because you are aware that God has made you in HIS image.

From self-esteem, you build sexiness in confidence. Once you know the truth, you can have confidence in the truth. This confidence affirms what you add to the world and what value you give. 

Knowing your value then prompts a posture of worthiness. Not to mistake for boastfulness, but you know you are loved and respected. You’ll begin to carry yourself in such a way that people will know how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. 

This is true sexiness. 

This sexiness may shine through when you turn heads in a nice dress or catch eyes in a pair of sweats, but regardless, sexiness is not wrong. If you don't own your sexual identity, someone else will determine it for you. Ultimately, to live an abundant life, sexiness has to be embraced.

Building Beyond the Basics

According to the Biblical principles, our goal should be maturity, not stagnation or indifference. What happens once you have the basics down? Where do you go and/or how do you mature along your journey as you and your definitions of wellness change?

You have to build beyond the basics. To a certain extent, you have to have a level of intentionality to build beyond your basics to have your basics grow with you. As shared before, wellness starts with a wellness plan for yourself. Whether written or mental, this plan should be a working document. An ever-changing document, but ever-reminding you of who you are as you change. Building beyond the basics starts with recognizing the evolvement of this document.

As the document evolves, your definitions of wellness should evolve and you will begin to need satisfaction in digging deeper into yourself. The chart below describes some simple ways you may build beyond the basics.

Note that your journey is individualized, so these are suggestions. Also, once you’re in the maturing phase you have not arrived. You should always be putting in the work. Take the example of a home. The basics are your foundation. You cannot have a house without a foundation. The building upon the basics is the building of the home. You need stability, support, and siding to protect the home. Maturity is the upkeep of the home. You could have built a home, but if you don’t clean the home and/or keep it up, you will not be able to sustain the home. Your wellness is the same way.

As we move into the second half of 2020. Keep these principles in mind. With this time home and isolated, many of us have focused on re-centering ourselves with the basics, but now to execute our goals for the rest of the year, we must build beyond these basics and begin to mature in our growth.

Living Like You Know You’re Blessed

God promises to exceed all of our basic necessities. He promises to love us, protect us, offer provision for us, and give us guidance in exchange for our submission, obedience, and delight in Him. The technical definition of blessing (God’s favor and protection) proves that we all are afforded a blessed life. So why don’t we act like it? 

At times, we become consumed with our hardships, so we discount the blessing. And/or we compare ourselves to others, so we don’t see our blessing. And/or we are so focused on others' blessing, so our jealousy divides us. And/or we believe the lies of the enemy, so we feel unworthy of the blessing. And/or we are simply ungrateful. Either way, the Lord offers it to us freely. He doesn't just stop with the basics, he promises more blessings contingent upon our continued obedience. The Lord speaks of pouring out blessings to those who are poor in spirit; mourners; teachable; hungry for righteousness; and merciful, etc.  

Note that these are just scratching the surface of the blessings that God gives. He speaks in the beatitudes of those who are blessed for their traits, but again, how would we walk if we knew we were blessed? We would be secure in our blessing and devoted to our walk. This requires us to mind our business.

Growing up I was taught a phrase that comparison is the thief of joy. When you realize you’re blessed you can’t look at others because you are focused on seeing yourself for blessed. You allow gratitude, devotion, and peace to exude from your investigation of your blessing. 

When you know you’re blessed you walk differently, talk differently, and execute life differently. There’s a Christ-centered confidence in you. Obedience is immediate. Lies are dispelled. You are hungry to know the Lord and execute your mission for Him. You don’t have time to worry about someone’s race. You aren’t concerned with someone’s sexual orientation. You could care less about someone else’s wife.

To sum it all up, in simple, JUST MIND YOUR BUSINESS! As the millennials say, mind the business that pays you. When you’re blessed you are so consumed with your relationship with God and the blessings associated that you don’t have time to look to the right or to the left. You are engulfed in Him solely, keeping God first and yourself second. Not in a narcissistic way, but from a place of gratitude, devotion, and peace. You're working in a way such that you are devoted to your mission and obedient to your work. Loving others and not judging others. That’s living the blessed life. That’s living like you know you’re blessed. 

“If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God: You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.” Deut. 28:1-5

Mid-Year Motivation: What's planned for June?

Hello All!

This month on the blog, I’m planning the content all about the mid-year motivation. In the video, is a brief description of the weekly breakdown.

June 7-13: Self Care

June 14-20: Grow to Grow up! Restarting, revamping, and renewing yourself

June 21-27: How to walk blessed?!

June 28-30: Beyond the basics.

In the attached video, I give a disclaimer for the month to get you both pumped and ready (5:22). I hope this excites you all as much as it does for me.

Until the next post, bye!

Changing your Mindset about Money!

Being wealthy is not a sin, but being greedy is. I work hard to do what I must as unto the Lord, not for the money (Colossians 3:23-24). While the money is nice, my obedience in every avenue concerning money is of the upmost importance (Luke 14:13–14). 

A quick overview of my upbringing and why this is such passionate topic for me. I am a 24 year old graduate student who happens to only have one source of debt: a home mortgage. I have no student loans, no car loans, no credit card debt, and no medical debt. I’ve owned my own home for almost two years and I make an honest living with seven streams of income, of which most are nonconventional. I don’t make money for blogging or social media yet, but still work on my side hustles to generate additional income. I would also like to note that I am a single woman with no children from a military family, for which many of my opportunities have been afforded. Nonetheless, the basis of my current “prosperity” is Jesus’ faithfulness.

The teaching behind money in life is so perverted. Both in and out of the church, there are always people pushing get rich schemes and financial prosperity. The Word says that the Lord’s desire is for us to lack for nothing (James 1:4; Deut. 2:7). He will give us everything that we need (Mat. 6:26) and desire (Ps. 37:4), contingent upon our submission (James 4:7), obedience (Deut. 28:47-48), and delight in Him. Understanding this, God can choose to make you wealthy. But that’s not your concern. People quote 1 Timothy 6:10, so often that it’s fairly well known (“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”). But verses 4 and 5 hit different in this climate. He warns of those “…who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.” 

Let’s start here first, God wants your heart for richer or poorer (Matthew 19:16-30), in sickness and in health (whole book of Job), for death won’t do you apart (John 3:16). So loving God and pursuing his will for you in obedience will not guarantee your wealth, but it will guarantee you have what you need. 

With that aside, money is simply a tool he has given us to fulfill our mission. For this fulfillment, he requires our obedience. Getting the church basics out the way: 1. I do believe in tithing, but of the heart. The 10% is not the issue. (10% is a baseline.) It’s of the heart and your willingness to be obedient. 2. I don’t believe tithes have to be paid to a church. The Lord wants your obedience, so if your tithes are going to another ministry or an organization for which he tells you to give it, go for it. (NOTE: ONLY IF HE TELLS YOU TO GIVE ELSEWHERE!) Again, the purpose is your obedience. 3. I do believe in stewardship of money and time alike, not manifestation or attraction. (Side notes, 1. Manifestation/attraction limits God to our purview. 2. My time is of much more value than my money, but those are for another discussion.) While I’ll discuss greater this week, I do believe in the Biblical principles of storing up a savings, building an inheritance (generational wealth), and being a blessing (not just for it to be given back to you, but from the extension of your willing heart).

Now, the meat of it all: how to change your mindset about money? See it for a tool. Understand its value. And learn about managing it with wisdom. 

• Money is a tool. It is currency. It can be used in exchange for necessities or wants. Either way, it is a tool to curate something: the meeting of a need, the generation of a feeling, the building of an experience, etc. Once you stop looking at it to be your answer to loneliness, poverty (which is a mindset), struggle, or bondage, you will see your reality for what it is and address internal issues accordingly and financial issues accordingly. 

• Understand its value. The only purpose for money is to exchange, for which we used to barter. You were once able to increase or decrease the value of a glass of milk with respect to a glass of water. Now, money does the comparison for us. For example, a kid finds a dollar on the ground. That kid can trade that one dollar for 10 pennies or 5 quarters. In the child’s mind, 10 coins is more than the one dollar or 5 coins, but in reality the 5 quarters is worth more than all the rest. Realistically speaking, money can have whatever value you’d like it to have, but what you can barter with it is what counts.

• Lastly, learn about managing it with wisdom. If you haven’t heard about budgeting, investing, and saving, I’d recommend doing some research (read the book Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey). While they have classes and books for days, the principles are all the same: budgeting, comparing income to expenses and working a plan to offset one or the other; saving, fore planning to offset your budget; and investing, fore planning your saving for your future budget in which the expenses outweigh the income. I would add the MOST important step, that is rarely talked about: giving. This is a concept we’ll discuss later this week. 

Once you learn the basic steps, you’ll just have to work the program to do your part of this God equation. 

Having your mindset tuned for positive money view and money management is a must! Always see God as the provider of all things: good, bad, indifferent. Always remember he is the author of your life, which he has guaranteed is in your favor if you love him. Always seek to be obedient concerning every place you spend your money: where you live, where and what you eat, what you drive, what job to get, what hobbies to have, what daycare center to choose, etc. 

As we go throughout this week, keep in mind these simple things. They will help to inform you on your frame of mind as it relates to your hindrances with money. So excited to share with you our first hindrance of the week tomorrow! See you over on our IG page. 

Methods to Set up Systems of Wellness

Hello Everyone!

I close out our discussion about systems of wellness, I found the following links particularly helpful. These resources give examples for which you can go from a goal minded form of wellness to a systems minded daily ideal of wellness.

To accompany these videos, I’ve uploaded a podcast style video about my journey with creating systems of wellness and some examples of systems that you may be able to change and adapt for your life.

A Look into My Intentional Wellness Journey

As a bonus this week, I’d like to post my yearly review of 2019. This video will give you a bit of insight into my personal wellness journey: Why I really got serious about wellness? and Different principles of wellness I’ve tried?

Similarly, there’s some great gems about the prep work it took for me to build my systems of wellness. If you’d like to skip through the video, here are some great time links fo you:

2:28 Summary of Q1: Sickness

08:15 Summary of Q2: Recovery

10:14 Practical steps I put in place to start my wellness journey

12:16. Summary of Q3: Enacting systems of wellness

15:00. Summary of Q4: Doing the work

20:38. Relationships?

23:48. Goals and Accomplishments

I know the video is long, but it is a full view into my life and thought process. I hope it brings some hope to you all!

How my mom’s service dog helped my mental wellness?

This week on the blog, we are talking about different things you can do to enact systems that help with your daily wellness. These are processes that you can put in place to help you with your wellness weaknesses.  Today, I’m going to talk about how bringing a pet into your life may help put some of these systems in place. 

As I’ve discussed before, my biggest struggle in wellness are my work-a-holic tendencies. This affects my wellness by causing me to lose track of my days, my self care (combing my hair, exercising), food consumption, and sleep patterns. I would’ve never thought having a pet would help me with any of these things. 

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My mom and Jennifer

When my mom made the decision to get herself a service dog, I thought nothing of it. Back then my mindset was, “if I wanted to feed another mouth, I would just have a baby, for at least a child would grow up and take care of me.” I didn’t quite understand the concept or the need for a pet. Then, I went with my mom on a two week retreat, by which they taught us how to care for her new service animal, Jennifer. In going through their training, it opened my eyes to how much these little pups can do for you, but also what you could do for yourself by just taking care of the pup. 

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My mom and Jennifer at their graduation ceremony at America’s Vet Dogs.

Now, assuming you don’t have a service animal who is as diligently trained as Jennifer, a simply trained pet, particularly a dog, can help with all of the following things. 

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1. Self awareness: As I said in last weeks video, I struggle with remembering that I have feelings. I tend to get lost in my work and see myself as a robot, both emotionless and bulletproof. One good step on my toe from Jennifer, reminds me that not only can I feel, but there’s others who my emotions, or lack thereof, affect. Dogs are so sensitive to the emotional atmosphere of the humans they are around, so much so that if I’m feeling a bit off, Jennifer knows it. 

2. Good food schedule: I have gotten particularly good about my food schedule lately, in that I practice intermittent fasting; however, the frequency at which I eat during my eating period has gotten way stricter with Jennifer around. For starters, she is recommended to only eat twice a day, 6:45 am and 4:30 pm. As a result of her schedule, I’m reminded about my own. Secondly, every time I whip some food out, this girl is side eyeing me — like she know I don’t need it. This convicts me, especially when I’m struggling to not over- or under-eat my caloric intake for the day. 

3. Good sleep schedule: Especially under this quarantine, I’ve been struggling with getting enough sleep and putting my work away at night. Jennifer is quick to come and nudge me and/or the computer at about 10 pm when she’s ready to go to bed. If we’re still up, she’ll sigh like we’re getting on her nerves. 

4. Good exercise schedule: Dogs need exercise. Some dogs, if not taken out, get antsy and restless. To negate this, a good walk around the block or playing in the house, especially for young dogs, will help. This gets us, as the handlers, active as well. 

5. Self Care: This may be exclusive to our relationship with Jennifer as she’s a service dog, but she gets groomed daily, because she’s most likely going to be seen by others in public who need a good understanding that she’s working. With this, even when we’re just staying in the house, we groom her to keep the shedding down. Remembering to brush her helps us to remember to brush our own heads. 

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Taking all of these things into account, having a pet is not for everyone. While my mom having Jennifer has enriched her life and my life respectively, I personally will not be acquiring a new addition to my immediate family. I cannot afford a new pet or the time it takes to care for one. Similarly, while Jennifer adds so many benefits to the family’s wellness, I’ve already put other systems in place to ensure that I am accountable for all of those areas of wellness on my own (intermittent fasting, food tracking, bullet journaling to regulate exercise, work, and self care).  So, if like me, adding a pet to your family is not a good fit, stay tuned Saturday where we’ll be discussing some other methods to work wellness daily.

Building a Basic Wellness Plan

Hello Everyone!

Today’s post is a quick video on wellness plans: what are they? and how to start building one? The video is a bit long, but information heavy. I hope it encourages you all on your journey!

Defining Wellness, Identifying When You're Not Well, etc.

Hello Everyone!

This week on the blog we are talking all about basic principles of wellness. On a basic level, per Webster-Mariam dictionary, wellness is the practice, quality, or state of good health as an actively sought goal. Good health from a holistic point of view is good spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, relational, and financial health. As described in the most recent IG post, wellness is defined differently from one person to another. While there may be some overlaps between your wellness and someone else’s, a well life is not a monolithic experience. With that being said, when living a well life, you have to do three basic things: 1. Define/Understand Wellness for yourself. 2. Identify when you are not well. 3. Put systems in place to obtain, maintain, and exercise wellness. 

1. Defining and Understanding Wellness for yourself. 

While there are many resources available on wellness, no one can tell you what makes you well. Wellness is an internal conversation. However, to help, I have compiled a list of questions that should help with understanding yourself, and to spark internal dialogue to lead to your understanding of wellness.

Are you aware of your emotions, thoughts, and how your body feels? What does a good day look like for you? What does a bad day look like for you? How does a good day make you feel? How does a bad day make you feel? When you feel good, what kind of thoughts do you have? When you are feeling bad, what kind of thoughts do you have? When you are feeling bad, do you neglect to go to work or handle responsibilities you have? How often do you have good days in relation to bad days? Does physical activity increase your mood? How often do you engage in thirty minutes or more of physical activity/ sunlight exposure? Do you have hope? Where do you garner your hope from? What positive qualities do you like in your relationships? Do your finances cause you anxiety/ sleepless nights? Do conversations about your finances influence your mood?

Now, take all of these answers into account. To define your wellness not as the feelings that you have on a good day, but the feelings, actions, and responses you have on an average day that are lacking on a bad day. How would you define wellness for yourself?

2. Identifying when you are not well. 

Once defining wellness for yourself. It’s equally as important to know when you are not well. Similarly, asking yourself the following questions can help to understand when you are not well:

1. Am I being self aware: Am I being true to myself? Am I living for myself or for other’s validation? 

2. Are my spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, relational, and financial wellness aligned?

3. Do my actions reflect my beliefs? 

4. Am I clear in thought? Am I struggling to make decisions?

5. Am I being true to my emotions? Are my emotions on a roller coaster?

6. Am I getting enough sleep? Am I eating too much or not enough? Am I constipated? Am I taking my medication correctly? Have I seen my doctor to review my health? Does my doctor say I’m in good health? Am I practicing good hygiene? 

7. Are my relationships pushing me to make decisions that differ from my wellness? Are my relationships self serving? Am I giving too much to my relationships? Am I strong enough to walk away from my relationships or am I codependent on my relationships?

8. Are my financial decisions justified? Can I afford what I’m buying? Am I impulse buying? 

3. Putting systems in place to obtain, maintain, and exercise wellness. 

If you are not well in one or more areas or want to maintain your wellness, you can put together a wellness plan, which details your definition of wellness, your definitions of not being well, and guided choices to navigate you to staying well.  

Stay tuned on Saturday for a video on how to build your wellness plan.

Reminder about Growth

Hello Everyone! This time of pressure is so rough for all of us. We are stuck at home. We are in a time of clear uncertainty; however, this is a perfect time for us to focus on our growth. This is the moment to take the extra time and recalibrate for what is to come, in the uncertainty. While there are plenty of resources available on how to deal with the anxiety behind the uncertainty (see Resource List -1), once the shock wears off, we are left with idle time, for which we can steward for advancement or complacency (see Matthew 25:14-30). Similarly, in being under a season of pressure, we have an opportunity to be formed like a diamond into something of higher and greater value, but only if we do the work. This is a process I’m going to refer to as leveling up, to be synonymous with exponential growth and maturation (see Reference List for greater context). Nonetheless, taking a look into some of those who grew under pressure, here are a few practical principles I’ve found to level up: 

1. Keep in mind that practically, the only things we can change in this season are ourselves and our perspective. 

   1. Romans 12:2 says for us to not be of the world and to renew our minds to the ways of the Lord. In this, we cannot sit and squander our thoughts and time on wondering why and what we can change. Rather we can use our time for seeking instruction and executing the things of the Lord.

   2. The Lord has given to us the power of free will. While all around us is uncertain politically, financially, physically, we have a basic fundamental power to exercise free will and free thought. The powerful thing about this is we can choose to see this season as a blessing. We can choose to be joyful in this season. While difficult, we can choose to stay grounded in faith and not fear. 

   3. Having a kingdom mindset and understanding that God is ultimately in control, renders us solely dependent to and yielding of his omniscience. With this knowledge, we find peace, (see Resource List-3). 

2. Be faithful in your skills:

   1. When the children of Israel were in the wilderness, the Lord had their promises secured; however, they were not in a place to receive them. He had to refine them. Understanding that, we can’t allow fear, disbelief, or laziness to disqualify us during our growth process. In doing the internal work, we are growing, even if it doesn’t seem like it on the outside. To do this internal work, we must ask ourselves: “Is there anything I need to release to the Lord? More specifically, is there anything I need to trust God with?” 

   2. When Joseph, the son of Jacob, was thrown into the pit by his brothers, then jail, multiple times, he grew through his grateful heart in his talents. Being grateful to God during the journey puts our circumstance into perspective. It keeps the Lord at the head, but also humbles our spirit to have a glimpse into what He is doing. From this, we must ask ourselves: “What is God refining in me? What gifts are he stirring in me?” For Joseph it was his dream interpretation and wisdom.

3. Being obedient: 

   1. God doesn’t call us to a place of opinion when he’s doing something. He calls us to a place of communication and obedience. He wants us to love Him, love ourselves, love others as we love ourselves, fast (seeking direction), and pray(communication) for the purpose of execution (obedience). 

   2. Being obedient is not always easy. Back with Joseph, his obedience cost him some years of his freedom. For us, it may feel like a season of loneliness/isolation, complicated feelings, and/or spiritual heaviness. Understand, Christ has endured all of these and was God.

Knowing all of these things discussed, leveling up takes faith. And faith is work. Work is maturity. And maturity is uncomfortable and very rarely straightforward, when you’re doing it right. 

As we collectively grow together, especially during this time, let’s grow and work diligently, but also realistically, focusing our attention on the only source of peace in this time, Jesus Christ, and building our skills and obedience in Him. 

Resources List: 

1. Elevation Church: “I’m Still Scared”

2. Matthew 25:14-30

3. Transformation Church: “Under Doesn’t Mean Over”

4. https://www.openbible.info/topics/perspective

5. Transformation Church: “Fading Faith”