I am a Christian. I am Sexy.

WARNING: Please be advised. The following conversation is controversial but heartfelt. This is what the Lord has been speaking to me. I am willing to discuss this in the comments below. Thank you.

When you look at this picture, how do you react/respond? Do you question my Christianity? Do you question my intelligence? Do you question my dignity? I hope not. Let’s discuss the elephant in the room. I am a sexy woman. While I don’t often lead with my body, you can’t deny that I offer a certain level of sex appeal. 

This is not because of what I’m wearing. It’s not because of the make up I have on either. It’s not from the heels I had kicked off or even the body shape under the clothes. Sexiness is a mindset, confidence, and a position (posture). 

Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way. Do I believe in the Bible verse that says to not cause your brother/sister to fall? Yes. But I equally believe the verse that talks about sin beginning in the heart. So when I choose to wear a bikini or a tight-fitting dress, the sin is not in my choice. The sin is in the heart first of the person lusting or judging. Logically, I cannot take responsibility for anyone else’s self-control and/or thought processes besides myself. 

Equally, we tend to relieve men of their responsibility to have self-control in exchange for the condemnation of women. The Word says, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, but there is accountability. Lastly, if sexiness and sexuality are not interchangeable, how are sex “appeal” and sexual response not treated the same?

I am a Christian. I am sexy. 

As a satisfied single woman, I’ve been investigating the concepts of sexiness. As someone who grew up in the American church, I've uncovered levels of shame, condemnation, misrepresentation, and judgment on this subject. Young women in the church are groomed to be virtuous cookie-cutter copies of "the perfect" woman (a discussion for another day), but somehow they are not encouraged to exercise their sexiness. There is much talk about modesty, meekness, and misogyny to the point of causing fear for women to be around men they find attractive. There’s no conversation, however, about owning your sexual identity. (I’m not talking about sexuality or sexual exploration.)

Sexual identity has been perverted and demonized. I have heard countless examples of young women who keep their virginity until marriage and then feel ashamed after having sex with their spouse. They had experienced so much condemnation for their sex appeal that they were misinformed on the greatest act of worship. 

Because of this, it was important for me to learn my sexiness. The first thing I learned was modesty is not the opposite of sexiness. I have been around some who believe women can’t wear pant. Others feel curly hair is “unprofessional/undone”. Many accept that only skinny women can modestly show their legs. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Modesty is a human standard, not a biblical standard. (Understand that all verses speaking of modesty were contextually comparing standards of idolatry. In America, we do idolize sex. So no, I don’t believe we should all walk around unclothed, but I do believe there is no shame in shorts and a little mid-drift.). 

The next thing I learned is that I wear what I feel led to wear. There is a level of understanding you gain as you are assured and aware of God in your life. This mindset allows you to see the world through a perspective of God’s omniscience and not your impotence. With this mindset, there is no low self-esteem, because you are aware that God has made you in HIS image.

From self-esteem, you build sexiness in confidence. Once you know the truth, you can have confidence in the truth. This confidence affirms what you add to the world and what value you give. 

Knowing your value then prompts a posture of worthiness. Not to mistake for boastfulness, but you know you are loved and respected. You’ll begin to carry yourself in such a way that people will know how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. 

This is true sexiness. 

This sexiness may shine through when you turn heads in a nice dress or catch eyes in a pair of sweats, but regardless, sexiness is not wrong. If you don't own your sexual identity, someone else will determine it for you. Ultimately, to live an abundant life, sexiness has to be embraced.