Rice Without a Rice Cooker!

As someone who grew up for a period in Asia, rice has always remained a staple in my diet. Regardless of if I'm cutting or bulking, a nice helping of white rice always soothes my soul. However, I was so unaware of the masses who didn't know how to make rice on a stovetop. I've attached the procedures below.

First, measure out your ingredients. You should always have one part of rice and two parts of water. For seasonings, I like my rice with just butter and salt. Like all of my recipes, this rice is easily adaptable to any meal plan.

First, let's discuss the choice of rice. While there are many different types of rice that we could discuss, I use the enriched long grain rice. It's cheap, available in bulk, and takes on almost any flavor. While I'm aware this is not the most nutritious rice, it gets the job done. I should also denote here that when adapting this method of traditional Asian dishes or fried rice, omit the butter. For Indian turmeric rice, season with turmeric, cinnamon, green cardamom, garlic cumin, and chili flakes. For sweet rice, sprinkle over some sugar. Lastly, for buttery southern rice, add some diced sweet onions. (This is my personal favorite). Lastly, when choosing cooking liquid, swapping water for broths and/or flavorful liquid dilutions such as including wines and ciders adds depth of flavor.

To prepare, start with a pan over medium/high heat. Add your butter and oil to lubricate the pan. While the butter/oil is melting and incorporating, add the dry white rice. Next, "cook" the rice, without any liquid for about 10/15 minutes or until the rice looks "dry." If adding spices or onions, add them at about the 5-minute mark. Allow them to cook until fragrant but not burnt. Once the rice appears "dry," add liquid of your choice and salt. When the pan is at a rapid boil, which should be almost immediate, cover and allow to cook on medium to low heat for 15 minutes, or until the rice is tender. Stir intermittently to ensure that the rice doesn't stick or burn.

That's it. It's simple, easy, and so delicious. Again, to amend to your desired tastes, add more seasonings or even allow the rice to create a slight brown crust at the bottom once finished cooking. No matter how you like it, this rice is always delicious for eating.

The Growth in Failing: 30 Day Handstand Challenge

I started this journey to prove to myself that I was strong. I wanted to try something new, push the limits of my body, and constantly feel the art of failure. It wasn't easy failing.

Psychologically speaking, as a perfectionist, it took a lot out of me in the beginning. Trying to use those muscles daily, I found was taxing and costly. Realizing that rest was a progress game changer, I had to learn patience with myself. I had to listen to myself, see myself, and act accordingly to reach the goals. While I didn't succeed, I wouldn't trade this journey for anything.

Trying something new is rarely easy. Pushing yourself past the comforts of your limits breeds growth. In particular, failure produces growth. Whether physically, mentally, or within the other areas of wellness, when we strive for growth, we can't strive for perfection. To find maturity, you must not settle, but rather enjoy progression.

When fasting from men paid off?!!

Have you ever taken a step back and thanked God for answering your prayers?

Today, I was talking to a friend and got a nice reminder of the faithfulness of God. See, when I took this picture, I was in a dark space with relationships with young men. I was crying out to God, and this friend, about why I couldn't have successful platonic relationships with the males in my life. Either they wanted to be with me, sleep with me, fulfill my dreams, or be my fantasy. Whatever they wanted, I was just looking for a friend.

So I went on a fast. (There was much more involved in this decision, but this was too a part of that fast). I fasted spiritually from men for 40 days. I didn't talk to my guy friends, the guy trying to pick me up at Wawa, the beautiful trainer that sparked my interest, no one. There were no dates, no late-night chats, no Saturday stroll throughs, just me asking God to show me how to navigate my relationships and find healing.

To be fair, I will have to do an entire blog post about the events that led to this foolishness, but I was entertaining way too many "candidates" and felt empty and worthless by their pursuits. Similarly, while fasting, I experienced some CRAZY experiences that almost made me quit.

But during this time, the Lord refined me. He changed my perspective. He showed me my flaws in the situationships and how I could navigate easier.

Nonetheless, I can say that the fast did not fall on deaf ears. I lost almost all of my guy friends during that time, whether due to distance, space, or time. I ended that fast with the belief that I would only ever have girlfriends forever (insert horror film scream). Fast forward. Two years later, God is so phenomenal! I have restored many of those friendships that I had found valuable. They are all 100% platonic. I don't feel like anyone wants anything from me. Now I'm having to adjust my perspective from skepticism to thankfulness. Almost everything I prayed for, the Lord has done (down to my best friend coming around more thanks to COVID). This is one of the greatest things in the world to me. Because if you know me, you know I don't get along with two many females all that well lol.

I say all of this to ask, do you all fast regularly? When you fast are you intentional? Have you asked God for what you desire? or for what you need? In your relationships, are you allowing him to be the one to tell you to cut off or keep?

I love God, but I'm still depressed: How I cured my depression? What they don’t tell you in church?

Because of COVID-19, the racial issues dividing our congregations, and political issues dividing our homes, I want to end this conversation of adulting by discussing one of the most common plagues in adulthood: depression. Regardless of if we want to admit it or not, depression is a key indicator of so many different levels of mental illness and emotional instability. 

This conversation is not only for Christians, but is geared towards them, as I see more Christians in the church struggling with depression than my unsaved friends "in the streets". The church is historically where the broken go to find healing, but there are more secret sinners than mourners receiving healing these days. We all want to judge people for their reasons for divorce, midlife crises, postpartum depression, and/or even PTSD, but all of these common adult challenges are related to depression in some way. And while I’m not here to judge the American church as a whole, mental illness is only recently been touched in Sunday service. Despite the recognition of it on our pews, we have to do more than telling people to pray it away. 

Throughout my life, I've dealt with periods of depression. I always felt alone in these seasons. Not just because of the depression. There was always a church mother telling me to smile. Or my actual mother telling me to get over it (she's been educated on this now). Unfortunately, unless I was ever willing to commit suicide or harm myself, my depression was considered invalid by the church of needing any sort of aid, help, or care for besides praying it away. 

I literally have heard pastors say that people are beyond the help of the church. 

As someone who has finally come to a place of freedom, peace, and healing, I want to explain how exactly I got over my depression, and in what ways I feel we as a church community can come alongside those dealing with depression/depressed seasons to help them get their healing. 

1. Keep praying and fasting. I’m not going to tell you that prayer doesn’t work. That would be a lie. Prayer changes things in the supernatural. Prayer facilitates a change in your perspective to match God's when you explain to Him how your reality feels and he downloads to you what is real. While we don’t have access to all the intricacies in the thoughts of God, prayer allows us to see what we need to. 

2. Seek help. Everybody needs a therapist/counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist if necessary. There is no one way to get healing, but there is one way to not get healing: not talking about you’re going through. Your significant other, family members and friends are not your human punching bags and/ or target practice. Sort out your innermost feelings within yourself, with God, and with a therapist.  

3. Be honest and transparent. This requires soul searching. Go into the depths of your heart. See what is it weighing on you. Oftentimes we think that it might be like a job or coworker. In actuality, it’s the unresolved childhood trauma and/or projection of your insecurities onto someone else. Once you know the true problem, be honest about how you truly feel. Be honest with yourself. Then share with God how you truly feel. Tell him how you feel about yourself with boldness. Tell Him how you feel about Him. Tell Him how you feel about the situation. Lastly, be honest with your therapist. This allows your therapist to give you guidance, reassurance, or affirmation. Because so many times we get in our way through self-manipulation, it's important to have transparency and honesty with your therapist. Lastly, be transparent with everything. This is what allows you to walk in your freedom. 

Let’s be honest. When you’re doing all of these things, it’s not easy. It may not happen overnight. That was not my story. I had to work. I had to fight. I had to push through it all over again the next day and the next day and the next day. One day, I woke up, and I was free within myself. My good days outweighed my bad days. Again, I’m not telling you that it’s easy. It’s hard! That’s why so many people don’t fight. But you have hope, so you have to fight. 

Understand that you have a weight, and you’re dealing with that weight. Just because you pray doesn’t mean that God‘s going to show up right away. We cannot act as though we can summon the God of the universe to do whatever we ask him to do as if he Santa Claus. We also cannot manipulate our way through. Like Paul, this may be the thorn in our side. Like David, this may be apart of our story. Like Jeremiah, this may be our reminder. I leave us all with Lamentations 3:22-24 which says,

"22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

    therefore I will wait for him.”

Understand that when Jeremiah wrote this passage he was in agony. He was in pain. Honestly, it sounded like he was a little bit depressed. Yet and still, he understood that even in his prayer he could not make God change his circumstance. However, he did understand to whom his hope lied. We have to take our hope and put it in our back pocket. We have to make it change our lives in such a way that we put on our bootstraps every day and we go to war on behalf of our souls. We recognize the faithfulness of God. We recognize the love of God. We recognize the mercy of God in such a way that we have hope to make it to the next day. 

Like I said it’s going to be hard, but today turns into tomorrow and tomorrow turns into the next day. You begin to see the mercies, miracles, and greatness of God for exactly what they are. That is the hope to get to the next day. Know that there is purpose in your pain in every moment. God is doing something good, so you have to find the good and focus on it. 

As a Christian community, it's our job to tell our stories and offer our support. The Bible literally says that in the last days we will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. Let's stop having testimonies exclusively reserved for financial, occupational, and familial blessings. Let's start sharing about how we feel. How the Lord took us from not being able to get out of bed. Because the battles many of us are facing are in our minds.

I often wondered how more encouraged I would have felt going through my depressed seasons if I had encouragement from my brothers and sisters. Because of this, I urge us all to share. 

Lastly, in my sharing, I’ve seen what the Lord did for me. I know he can do it for you. I have liberty, clarity, justice, love, endurance, peace, and so much more. He's not one to discriminate. Every person is a child to him. Every soul is a life to him, so if he did it for me, He can very much so do it for you. 

I go into greater detail in the attached video on parts of my story and specifically how each of the steps began to move me into the place that I am today. I reveal how God shaped my journey and has shaped my life through the steps. I hope it encourages you all. 

Adulting is the Fulfillment of Your Purpose

The world will tell you that the goal/strive in life is love. But fundamentally, love is the only thing in life that’s guaranteed. You just have to receive it. The goal/strive of life is the fulfillment of purpose.

While this includes love, because the starting point of purpose is the acceptance of the direction of your calling, you, if you choose, always have love. In a broken heart, in a season of loss, in a lonely place, because God is omnipresent and the definition of love, you always have love.

When we are chasing companionship, what are we chasing? When we are chasing sex, what are we chasing? When we are chasing money, what are we chasing?

What’s your motivation? Some are chasing a perception of love. Others are chasing experience. Most are chasing emotion. Nonetheless those things are fleeting.

When you are chasing purpose, you begin to do life differently. Instead of asking God where your companion is or why your companion isn’t doing right, you ask what the standard should be. Rather than asking the Lord for more money, you ask him to position you accordingly. Instead of fixating on the next nut, you ask the Lord how you can better grow and serve. These thing happen because purpose changes your driving force. Purpose makes you question your inner being to align with your outer calling. So much so that you find fulfillment, know love, share love, and innately have your needs met.

This week I’ll be discussing how to investigate the motivations of our . What drives us in adulthood? What pushes us to do better, know better, be better? What disconnects us from the rat race that invokes a cycle of anxiety and depression: apathy or intentionality? How can we live to execute purpose, even when the opposition is hard?

Failed Habits of a Millionaire: Morning and Evening Quiet Times

I recently tried a 5-day challenge that you would think would be seemingly easy. I wanted to give Jesus the first and last moments of my day. 

As the world would suggest, having a morning and nightly routine is considered essential to the success of many millionaires. While these individuals are considered successful, I heard an average man speak a few months ago on this topic. When we spend the first and last moments of our day focusing and decompressing we are more likely to have restful sleep and productive days. 

With this, I tried to start my day in directory prayer and end my day in my quiet time for five days straight. I must say, before this challenge, I had a regular, but not steady quiet time. I was also not praying as much as I’d like to. I was in a space where I was going through a bit much, so I was doing a lot of asking Jesus for the provision and not posturing myself for direction. Also, I was starting to see key factors of an organization in my home, scattered thoughts, and my bullet journal was a mess, so I knew it was time to tighten up and get disciplined. 

I went into this challenge wanting to feel less anxious, more clear, and focused for my days. With this, I decided to do the Fear and Anxiety devotional through the U-version app that I discussed in my How to Study the Bible Video. My goal was to do this devotional every night and spend the first thirty minutes or so praying in the morning and getting direction for my day. 

I hate to say it, but I failed this challenge. I tried to start my five days over twice. I failed all three times. No matter how hard I tried, I would keep forgetting. From this challenge, I can say I’ve learned a few things. 

1. Change of habit doesn’t come overnight. A five-day challenge is great, but it takes 21 days to solidify a habit. 

2. Sometimes you need to meet with yourself before meeting with the Lord. Self-care is just as essential to your relationship with others as it is your relationship with God. I went into this challenge so disheveled. I needed to take some time to now what I wanted and re-center myself before asking God for anything. This would’ve cut down on the random thoughts. 

3. Even just one day eases the soul. Unfortunately, we as humans are “out of sight out of mind” kind of people. The peace of God transcends our every being whenever we spend time with Him. But we so easily forget all the wonders and miracles of God just as soon as we close the Bible. Sometimes, we need just that one more day to get by. But with a little discipline and intentionality, we could daily tap into the peace and serenity that governs our hearts. 

In my case, I went into this challenge, not as a fast, but as a way to get redirected. But God can only use what you put in. While I failed, I’m still trying. I’m still going. I have taken a break from the Bible app devotionals for a while because I feel led to go to other places. But me sitting and having a formal quiet time isn’t the only way that I convene with God. 

However, through what I’ve seen just in my failed attempts, intentionality with God is unparalleled. He says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” But if we aren’t intentional with the prayer and supplication, we won’t receive the peace of God. 

I say all of these things to reiterate, take time for the Lord. Whether starting in your shower or graduating to an hour of dedicated time. Worship Him, pray to Him, and hear from Him for yourself. It won’t come overnight for most of us, but even in the dryer seasons, push for Him. Be deliberate with your motivation and effort. 

Work From Home: COVID College Back to School Tricks for Fall 2020

So school is starting back and with COVID a good work from home set up is essential. As someone who has been exclusively working from home for about a year and a half, I have a few quick tips and tricks I've learned from grad school for ensuring a successful and productive semester.

1. Set up space and ambiance. Setting the mood will trick your mind into being productive every time. Dedicate a space away from your bed so you don’t bring work into your rest space. I recommend an office space or desk, to keep your work consolidated. I also make my way to the floor often, but in the same workspace, my desk is in. Also, light helps with mood and a positive mindset. So, light a candle, get a nice lamp with a daylight bulb, and tons of windows. If you can't get near windows, make sure you get about 30 minutes of daylight a day to help with serotonin levels. Lastly, if you need your space to stay neat, ensure that you dedicate a space for everything you need. If clutter doesn’t bother you, try to keep a nice space to try something new. 

2. Organize your time. If you don’t tell your time where to go, you’ll have your time telling you where to go. Put together a schedule. I recommend adding your course times and dedicated study times to your google calendar, so you never miss class times. (Hint: add the zoom links to the calendar so you just click and join the course.) With this, also, give yourself dedicated work times. Know when to stop working, so you don’t become a work-a-holic.

3. Try to work un-bothered. Distracted working makes it take much longer to get tasks completed. Work under time blocks that dedicate specific times to different tasks. Turn on background music, preferably without words, and knock out tasks. I don't recommend listening to podcasts or watching anything, as these split your effort for concentration. 

4. Set weekly planning meetings. I use a very minimalistic bullet journal system coupled with the top 3 methods to organize my entire life. Once a week, I put in my weekly objectives, and categorize them into the course of the next days. As things are completed, I mark them off the list, so by Friday, I have a record of my productivity. Whether using a bullet journal or a planner, ensure that you are planning out your week and objectives to make your organized time productive. 

5. Deeply enforce a work-life balance. Go to class. Study. Do all of your assignments early and on time. BUT never forget to have fun. Take advantage of not having to travel. Collaborate where you can virtually. Pick up a side hobby outside. Learn to garden. Whatever it is that you like to do for a release, that’s COVID permitting, do it! 

It’s just that simple. With a formulated workspace, a solid schedule, planning sessions, and boundaries between work and life. You can crush the semester with a breeze. 

For those who are teaching from home/have smaller children, enforce these same principles, but modify them for your child’s needs. Ensure that they have a workspace that’s clear from their favorite distractions. Plan out their weekly objectives. Make them work during dedicated times on a schedule so they can anticipate playtime, and let them play when they’re not working. While it may be different, we all can still succeed while social distancing and taking care of business from the comfort of our own homes. 

Why I'm Single? And What You can Learn From It?

Welcome back, candidates! As the title says, this is why I'm single.

As someone who's satisfied in their singleness, it is funny to me when others ask me why I'm single. On a scale of one to ten, one being ready for marriage and ten being satisfied, I'm a twelve and not looking to be married any time soon. So because of this, I don't mind sharing with you all the reasons why I'm single, the reasons why my "exes" would say I'm single, and three important things I've learned along the way.

I'm single because I genuinely enjoy it. As a child, when I envisioned my life, I never saw a man. Now living out so many of my dreams, I'm so happy in the season that I don't think that I ever want to be married. (I know that I feel led to it, but I'm in no rush.) The second reason is due to my high standards. I hold everyone to high expectations, including myself. As a result, the men that have come into my space are also held to that same standard. There are certain traits that I find to be nonnegotiables in a man. As someone who dates to marry, I'm not looking for a passive, soft, or weak man to be in my space. Because of my personality, I prefer someone who will reciprocate when it comes to accountability and encouragement. I just haven't found any relationships yet that reciprocate in that way. Lastly, I'm using this time to focus on education. I'm currently getting a Ph.D., but I'm also learning more about relationships. I didn't focus on learning about what I did(not) want in a college. Now, I'm taking this time to know what I want so I don't fall for anything.

Reasons why my exes would say I'm single: I don't share anything; I have high standards that require men to do the introspective work on themselves; sex is not an option until I'm married.

I've learned throughout the years on my singleness journey that anyone can be married. If you want to be married, you can be, but it's up to you to do what it takes. If you desire to be married, and the Lord has not given you the clearance to do so, you need to reevaluate your motives and desires concerning God's will.

Second, even if your call in life is to be a mom or a wife, God has you in an alone season for a reason. How good of a sister, daughter, friend, cousin, etc. are you in the relationships you already have? Do you give love in those relationships well?

Lastly, it's alright to be you. God has given you purpose, so love ALL that you are. You don't have to be married because anyone else wants you to be. It's not a right of passage. It's a conscious decision that will impact the rest of your life for years to come, almost as much as your relationship with God. So while there is a multitude of reasons for my singleness, I'm so proud of it. I'm proud to walk through it because God is doing so much in this time. He is teaching me to be a better daughter, sister, friend, granddaughter, god mom, aunt, homegirl, etc. I'm learning to be more open, accept people where they are, and be more sensitive to other's feelings. These are all characteristics I will take into a marriage.

Something Out of Nothing French Toast

Today I have another delicious and nutritious, but not so healthy, recipe to share. Here’s the something out of nothing French toast recipe.

As usual, this recipe is easily adaptable. You can make it vegan by using vegan coffee creamers and flaxseed gel or an egg replacement to replace the egg. For keto and/or low carb, opt for a low carb bread option. This recipe is already nut-free. Lastly, to make it gluten-free, use a gluten-free bread substitute and gluten-free oatmeal. You can skip the oatmeal altogether, as it’s difficult to find gluten-free oatmeal, just add cinnamon to the wet mix.

Also, to serve, you can add with any form of egg or egg replacement scramble, meat/meat replacement of choice, and/or some fresh greens. This recipe would pair well with a seasonal garden salad topped with lemon juice and a little olive oil. To make up this easy dish, start with a whole wheat baguette cut into inch thick slices. In a mixing bowl, add your egg and coffee creamer. You can substitute the creamer for any sweet dairy substitute, this ensures that you don’t have to add any sweetener. Then, in a separate shallow dish, add one pack of your oats. Then dip your baguette rounds into the wet mix followed by patting on the dry mix. Don’t allow too much of the egg wash to soak into the bread, this eliminates longer cooking times and burning the oats. Also, ensure to pat until the surface is coated with oats.

Then in a medium-hot pan, add a tablespoon of butter. I didn’t have access to more than this, and the dish came out well. However, a little more butter would have given a beautiful golden crust to the French toast. Add your French toast. Once golden brown to your desired preference, serve with additional butter, syrup, and your plating options of choice.

It’s just that simple. Get into this quick, delicious, and easy meal to keep you full longer and satisfy your breakfast sweet tooth.

Kandid Kare IS HERE!

How to Study the Bible Video

Learn to study the Bible and go beyond just the words on the page. From your quiet time to getting a Word to share, dissecting the Bible is as easy as prayer, reading, and understanding. Learn to take into account historical context, chronological insights, and Hebrew/Greek nuances with every verse to take you from milk to meat in the faith. Get an understanding of everything you read.

Full Blog Post Here: https://www.kandidkayla.com/blog/2020/7/8/how-to-study-the-bibleexecute-a-devotion-time-with-the-lord

Maximizing Your Military Education Benefits

If you’ve been around the blog for a while, it’s no secret that I utilize military educational benefits to get to and through my doctoral degree debt-free. Along the way, through my trials, and those of other military children I know, I’ve picked up some important tips to ensure that not only are you debt-free in using your military benefits but that you are also able to put money in your pocket to live comfortably, at a minimum. 

This is a lengthy post, but please see the Summary of Educational Benefits post for greater details on any awards you may be eligible for. Similarly, each of the important details I discuss is hyperlinked, so feel free to learn more about each topic. 

On a very basic scale, there are choices anyone can make to maximize finances when it comes to college. If you can stay with your parents and keep your living costs low, that is the amplest opportunity to stretch your finances. Also, choose your university wisely. Private schools are expensive and aren’t covered completely by most of the benefits. Also, while there is the Yellow Ribbon program, not all private universities participate. While this goes without saying, you want to go to a university that will give you the best education for your degree. If you’re unsure of what you’d like to study. Ensure that you go to a school with strong liberal arts curricula, that will give you the most opportunity for quality education in almost any major. Also, note that if your school is not accredited or has a history of mismanagement of military funds, you might not be eligible to use your benefits for the duration of your education. So choose another university. For the Post 9/11 GI bill and the Fry Scholarship, the best bang for your buck would be staying at home, going to an in-state public school in a larger city, to take advantage of the higher BAH rates. If you don’t have those options, here are practical tools to maximize your benefits.

1. The first is to take advantage of free/reduced course credits. While in high school take advantage of AP/IB and dual enrollment courses. These are free college courses you don’t have to pay for with your military benefits. Also utilize CLEP/DSST exams, that allow you discounted rates (military offers) to test out and get credit for basic level courses you might not need to take. Lastly, utilize testing options at the university level. Some universities have testing policies by which you pay a nominal fee to take what’s usually the final exam of a course and get credit for the course. All of these options are typically for accelerated students. But with a little more effort, anyone can take advantage of them. Also, for those who don’t have access to in-person AP/IB courses, take advantage of online schooling options, (also here and free here) that you may be able to negotiate prices on through your high school, to offer you these opportunities.

   1. When utilizing these options, though, ensure that you have some foresight and communicate with the university for you plan to transfer these credits. Many universities have transfer credit limits of around 60 credits. Any transfer credits beyond 60 credits will not count towards your degree. When utilizing these options, do so strategically.

   2. If you use the options and go to a community college, they are more likely to take all of your credits. I would recommend putting these toward an associate's degree to ensure that all of your transferred courses count. In general, for the maximum benefit of funds, I’d recommend starting at the community college and then transferring to a four-year university. Ensure that you have a strict plan when doing this, though, because the transfer process can cost you more money if you’re not methodical about what courses you plan to transfer. 

2. The second and possibly most exponential suggestion is to get scholarships, grants, assistantships, paid internships, and or participate in pathway programs. The amazing reward of utilizing military benefits is that any scholarships applied to your account land in your pocket when your tuition and fees are being paid. While the following statement is not true of Chapter 35 DEA benefits, it is for any of the other benefits that cover tuition and fees accordingly.

   1. Follow the math, if the school charges your tuition as $5000 a semester and another $1500 a semester for fees, you’re looking at a $6500 bill, not including room and board. Assume you have a scholarship that covers your $5000 tuition, but not your $1500 fees. Contingent upon your room, board, meal plan, and book costs, the best-case scenario of the money remaining after the military benefit is applied is $5000 refund check (the military benefit will cover fees and tuition in total allowing you to receive your scholarship tuition in cash).

   2. This process works for any amount of financial award applied to your student account. A common list of scholarships I recommend all students applying for is here. You may also want to take advantage of specific military scholarships depending on your field of study such as the SMART scholarship and NDSEG, for which help with job placement post-graduation as well. If you’re looking at going for an advanced degree, do much investigation into fellowships as well. While money is harder to find at that level of education, there is much out there. Take full advantage of every dollar available.

   3. To this point, also fill out your FAFSA. If you receive any federal/state grant funding, the VA will still pay your tuition and fees. While the refunding process is handled on a school by school basis with these benefits, it’s worth looking into. When choosing a university, you can call ahead to discuss their policy on these refunds as well by contacting the financial aid office and/or the military education benefits representative. 

3. The third benefit is to take advantage of work, unpaid internships, and related experiences. Because most of the educational benefits include a monthly stipend, you can afford to take free or reduced pay for internships and work experiences. Work experience is what so many college students don’t have upon graduation, so take advantage of the option. Also, if applicable take on a job or do work-study on campus. I worked and received my educational benefits. It allowed me the ability to keep money in my pocket, but also afford vacations for spring break and study abroad. Working may also afford you options such as paid study time, free meals, and/or network you wouldn’t otherwise have had. Also, many on-campus jobs, such as admissions office staff and certain office assistants, are eligible for tuition waivers and/or discounted courses through the university. This may offer you the opportunity to get more money in your pocket. 

4. The fourth suggestion is to take as many courses as you can. While this applies primarily to the Post 9/11 GI Bill and the Fry scholarship, when tuition and fees are completely covered, even for a non-degree seeking course, you have the opportunity to take courses that you might genuinely be interested in. Computer science, math, and business courses are always great secondary courses to add to any resume regardless of your field. Diversity in training is also a plus for many employers as it implies that you are open to learning interdisciplinary skills and are multifaceted. Also note that the 9/11 GI bill will pay for courses at multiple universities assuming the courses are degree-seeking, so if you go to a smaller university without a large range of course offerings, this option may be important for you to utilize. 

5. The fifth suggestion is to pass all of your courses the first time, and if you’re going to fail, pay for the retake out of pocket. DO NOT EVER WITHDRAW FROM A COURSE THE VA IS PAYING FOR. It will mess up all of your money every time. If you have the option to take a failing grade, do so. You don’t want to owe the VA money. Similarly, they will pay for you to retake, but it takes months off of your eligibility, so keep that in mind. 

6. The sixth suggestion is that you get creative in stretching your benefits. Similar to the first point of this post, staying at home is great, but if you can’t stay off-campus, get roommates, opt-out of the meal plan, start some side hustles (selling notes, selling plates of food, detailing cars, ride-sharing, doing hair, marketing social media, photography, etc.), take advantage of military incentives (commissary, discounted gas, PX/Exchange), take advantage of social programs (food banks, jobs that feed you, college/military discount), use every paid resource from your university (tutoring, gym, printing/library, parking, amazon prime student, etc.). Do whatever you’re comfortable with to keep the coins in your pocket. 

7. The last and most important tip is to BUDGET YOUR MONEY! I have tons of budgeting resources here on the blog. If you are using benefits or not, ALWAYS budget your money. Take advantage of every dime you receive by maximizing your income and minimizing your expenses. College is expensive, but college is an experience. Put your money towards what’s important to you and manage your needs accordingly. With the military benefits, you don’t have to be the broke college kid if you don’t want to be. 

You’re being given an incredible opportunity that many people join the military and die for. You are offered a free and/or compensated education with the freedom to experience the college environment. Don’t squander the sacrifice of those who fought and served for you to have this opportunity.

Military Dependents Educational Benefits

For my fellow military dependents, navigating your eligibility and usage of military educational benefits is often a second job in an of itself. To help some, I’ve compiled a list of resources for eligibility, usage, and helpful information with regards to military dependent educational benefits. Each of the benefits listed is specific to military children and spouses. While there are additional programs for military spouses, I’m focusing on the ones for children. Also, I’m focusing on college/university for these benefits. If you are looking for vocational or technical school programs, please see the links for the benefits directly.

The four programs eligible for children include the Post 9/11 GI Bill, the Fry Scholarship, the Survivors' and Dependents' Educational Assistance (DEA or Chapter 35), and the individual state benefits. 

Based on the attached spreadsheet, you can get a general idea of eligibility for each of these programs; however, always double-check with the links provided and the GI Bill’s “Ask a Question” section for the full scope of eligibility.  

Every state also has independent military educational benefits for veterans with disability ratings higher than 90% total and permanent and their dependents. For the state of Virginia, there’s a service called VMSDEP, for which tuition and fees are covered for students and up to $950/semester, funding allotted, for a book stipend as well. 

To have the benefits are amazing, but to utilize them to your benefit is the goal. Learn to maximize your military dependent educational benefits here. 

Monday Motivation: Natural Hair Braid Out

Sometimes, you have to trick your mental health to feel good. With the overcast, I had to do my hair today. I achieve these beautiful waves daily by starting with pre-stretched hair. You can straighten, blow-dry, or band your hair.

Then I section my hair off into 10 to 12 sections separating 3 sections by my nape, 6 sections in the middle, and 4 sections in the crown of my head.

Then I take a section, detangle, add a quarter size of foam wrap lotion (warmed between my hands) through the ends of my hair. I then detangle again. Next, I add a pea-size amount of Kandidkreme to my ends. I smooth through to keep my ends stretched. Lastly, I braid each section, leaving about 1 inch of hair unbraided at the bottom.

After every section is braided, I'll Bantu knot each section. If you want a looser curl, knot multiple sets together. For tighter curls, knot individual sections.

I sleep on this style, allowing the heat from my head to lay my edges. In the morning, I unravel, pick the roots, and fluff to my desired liking.

Link to KandidKreme: https://www.kandidkayla.com/kandidkare

5 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started Dating

I started dabbling with dating at around 15 years old. Over the last almost 10 years, I’ve learned so much about life, love, and relationships from the view of a single woman. So, after much thinking and praying, I’ve compiled a list of 5 things I know now that I wish I knew at 15.

1. It’s not enough to like each other. It’s so much more complicated than that. 

   1. We make it complicated. 

   2. Communication helps with that 

2. The heart is deceiving, so what’s love got to do with it? 

   1. You can talk yourself into/out of loving anyone and anything

   2. It’s alright to be a sexual being. There’s a sin to be sexual. Don’t act on it. Go to Godly counsel. Talk it out. Be honest.

   3. Ensure that you go into any situation with perceptive eyes and not desiring eyes: saves a world of heartache. 

3. There’s nothing wrong with you: being you, having standards, knowing what you want. 

   1. Who says you have to be in relationships? 

   2. What’s wrong with singleness again? You can have friends…

   3. There are miles on your heart… Be careful how far you drive it… it may get callous

4. The answer isn’t Dick/Coochie!

   1. You’re sad, fix it. You’re happy, enjoy it. You’re bored, cure it. 

   2. The angry black woman doesn’t need to be dicked down. She needs to be heard. 

   3. Remember the gateway to your soul is often between your legs… guard it.

5. It’s nice to be desired, but it’s unparalleled to be respected. 

   1. You can be cordial with ex’s if there’s mutual respect

   2. If you know you’re beautiful, what does it matter

   3. Network and community are more valuable than perception. 

While there’s much to be said about relationships, the journey through your love life is an individualized one.  don’t believe the Lord wants us to endure the ups and downs of romance. There is a certain level of ambiguity and unknown to every relationship because everyone’s paths are different, but knowing what the Word says and applying it to your boundaries and desires will protect you from years of hurt, pain, and sorrow.

I'm Called, but I'm Scared: Walking into Your Calling NOW!

The Lord rarely places you in your calling at the time you're called. More often than not, in the examples of Joseph, David, and Jesus in the Bible, the Lord will call you and have you wait and mature before giving you the position. These passages are commonly preached from a position of being patient in the waiting and the preparation. But what happens when God says to go?

Recently, I've started two small businesses. In the middle of a pandemic, I thought that I had more waiting to do before these businesses were established. KandidKare, in particular, I've been working in my waiting for 3 years. When the Lord said it was time to launch, I had gotten so comfortable in the waiting I wasn't ready. I had done all of the prep work and all of the formulating, but the feet to faith stirred immense fear. 

The nice thing about God is that He will tell you to go at any time, so we must be ready at all times. Had Joseph been too proud to interpret the other prisoner's dream, he would've never walked into his elevation. If David was not confident enough to choose to slay Goliath, he would have never walked into kingship. If Jesus had been to fearful to take up his cross, none of us could be saved. While Jesus is perfect, His example, as well as the others mentioned, proves the point that we must always be ready. 

While the Bible doesn't talk about the frame of mind of these individuals in these times, we cannot omit that there may have been a level of fear involved. For Jesus, He asked the Lord to take the cup from Him. For Joseph, he was in the lowest position possible: prison. For David, he was the smallest of his brothers. Undoubtedly, if there was no fear, there probably should have been. But when God calls you and enables you, you must move despite.  

As I've discussed over the last few weeks, I have been attacked on every front possible when starting these businesses: the finances don't add up, someone tried to steal my ideas, my family has been attacked, I've lost loved ones, my AC has gone out, imposter syndrome has crept in, and my anxiety has been on 1000%. Even in all of these things, the Lord said NOW!

Even in apparent fear, when called, you go. God doesn't call the qualified, he enables the called. Knowing this, you push through the fear. As Isaiah 6:8 says, "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" Respond to the call, and go. 

I wish I had simple steps to help build the faith to overcome fear, but sometimes, it's just that simple. Step out on faith. You might not be able to see the next step, but take it knowing that God has called you and will instruct you accordingly. 

Always Working Because You Never Arrive

Maybe because I'm young, I feel as though I am ever-evolving. I do yearly update videos. From year to year, the woman on the other side of the screen/camera the next year is so much different from the years prior. I know this will be no different in my 2020 year review. With this, it's easy for me to know that I've not arrived. But at times, I still struggle with this unreal pride in having “arrived” with respect to my peers.

This concept of arrival is what is often warned against by mental health professionals. It's this concept that there is a mental state, monetary value, and/or social status that implies that you are in your final/greatest form. This mindset goes against the Bible (Phil. 1:4-6). 

To fight against this mindset, here are 3 motivators to encourage evolution and growth towards who the Lord would have us to become. 

1. Don't take Him for granted. The Lord is our fortress and our rock. He is a present help for us and a protector of our souls. He's provider, educator, redeemer, etc. In our growth, don't take His relationship and contribution for granted. Grow daily to learn Him and strengthen your relationship with Him, ensuring that he's at the center of all you do. 

2. Don't become prideful in your works. When you keep Christ first, this is a bit easier to do, but never think that you are higher than another man. The word says in Proverbs 3:7, "Do not be wise in your own eyes..." Don't believe that you are so much higher than others because your sin is not their sin or that you’re too good to go through certain situations. 

3. Be open to seeing yourself as God sees you. I often go through cycles with God where I forget that I'm a work in progress. Especially during the good times, I tend to receive a blessing as a "reward" for my "sanctification". I'm actively working to fix these mindset slips; however, to do so, I ask the Lord to show me myself in His eyes. This requires accepting the good, bad, ugly, and even hidden parts of myself that the Lord sees. Even in dying to your self daily, you will sin. Seeing yourself the way God does, allows you to pinpoint and consistently work on correcting those sins. 

Working these steps does not negate rejoicing in the good times. But remember when rejoicing in the advances, work still has to be done. 

Kandid Kare is HERE!

So Excited to announce the newest part of Kandidkayla.com: Kandid Kare. Head on over to the Kandid Kare page to learn all about it.

Happiness in Every Season

Today's post is a bit of a different one. Attached above is an old video of 19-year-old Mi'Kayla spitting some facts. I discuss how to be happy when you're single. I wanted to clear a few things up. 

Being happy is not just a single problem; it's a life problem. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, happiness is not guaranteed, only joy is. With this, I have been striving for happiness for years. Through this method, and revamping the method over time based on my life changes, I have found happiness even in times of stress, depression, and anxiety. 

In the video, I discuss that you should investigate 4 valuable questions: who are you? who do you want to be? what makes you happy? what do you want in a companion? 

While I emphasize the first 3 questions in the video, I've come to realize that the last question is very valuable as well. If you are in a space where you are looking to marry, you need to know what you want so that you don't settle for less. At 19, this question wasn't important for me to answer. At 24, it is. Honestly, had I answered it better at 19, I wouldn't have gone through as much as I went through in college relationally. 

Even if you have a spouse, knowing what kind of people you want in your space is valuable. So many times we have "friends" in our space that don't serve us and offer traits that lead to the depletion of our happiness. Knowing what character traits are beneficial and harmful to you will help you deal with stressors caused by others.

I also want to clarify that I don't believe God has us in single seasons for a reason. At least, I don't believe it in the context I discuss in the video. I will get to this on another post one day. But I whole-heartedly know that if someone wants to be married, they can be. You don't have to wait for God's timing. A lot of people don't. Note: I don’t ever recommend stepping out of God’s perfect will.

Lastly, being happy in any season is achievable with the first three steps. You have to want it for yourself. This goes back to building a wellness plan. A wellness plan will answer all of these questions and give insight to the intricacies of why certain things make you happy as you build/grow it.

This is not to say that every day you will be happy if you follow these steps because mental illness and circumstantial influences exist. BUT you are more likely to recover from stressors and find your happiness if you follow these steps.