Over the last few weeks, I’ve been praying and studying specifically on the hinderances that I face within my own growth. When evaluating my spiritual growth, it’s simple to identify what I’ve overcome. But it’s difficult to share the things that I haven’t conquered and even harder to find solutions.

With this, church hurt is a huge hurtle in my growth journey. While I will speak more on my experiences on Saturday’s post, I often struggle to overcome thoughts of discouragement, lack of trust in community, lack of trust in leadership and authority, as well as feelings of disdain and disgust towards the American church. After years of wrestling with this hurt, I have come to see my part to play in the disconnect between the local church and myself. As a believer in Jesus who is aware of the divisive scheme of the enemy, I am guilty of relishing in my hurt and not growing THROUGH my circumstance. As I’m still growing and learning, I saw it fit to invite my mom to be a guest writer on the blog today, as she encourages us all on how to grow through church hurt and allow it produce growth within us. Enjoy.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil? Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it DEPENDS on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:17-18

For many of us, we have been hurt in the church. Be it, back stabbing, someone lying/gossiping about you or someone telling you that you are not bearing fruit. What ever it may be, it is your duty to continue to serve our Lord and Savior. Yes, you can be mad even angry but don’t let that keep you away. True story, when I was hurt in the church, I was pissed (can I say that without getting thrown out of the church). I was so upset to the point that I no longer wanted to be a part of a church, let alone mingle with church folk. After about two weeks, I was awaken by the Holy Spirit. The Lord, begin to minister to me. So, here are a few nuggets that I have used not only to overcome church hurt, but hurt from other people.

1. Redirect your hurt

Take the same energy you have/had of replaying the incidents over and over in your head and put it towards knowing our Lord better. How does that look? Intentionally getting before the Lord. If you already don’t have an established a quiet time, establish one. During this time, read His word, pray, ask questions of him, listen, and worship.

I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken (Psalms 16:8 NIV)

2. Reconcile/Confront

After you have had time to calm down and seek the Lord. I would suggest that you go to the individual and share your heart. Reconcile your differences. Do you have to agree? NO, but you do have to walk in the ministry of reconciliation.

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18 NIV)

3. Grace

Extend to the individual(s) the same grace that Christ has extended to you.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23 NIV)

Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he free us from the penalty for our sins (Romans 3:24 NLT)

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16 NIV)

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love (Ephesians 4:2 NLT)

4. Forgive

Yes, you have to forgive to move forward. Not just through lip service, but in your heart. If you are anything like me, this may take some time. However, when the situation tries to creep up in our mind (and it will because you have decided to handle the situation the way God would like you to), turn that negativity into positivity. Tell yourself, better yet say it out loud something like, “I will not dwell on this situation, my God has equipped me to fully forgive and love.” I know that all things work together for the good to those who love and are called by Christ. Also, check yourself by reminding yourself that you have messed up and will continue to mess up and you would like folks to forgive you. Remember forgiveness is for YOU. You want to walk in your freedom, right.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you MUST forgive others (Colossians 3:13 NLT)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, jus as Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)

5. Responsibility

Take responsibility for your part. Did you misunderstand the situation; did you retaliate; did you speak out of anger; hold a grudge; never communicate your feelings etc? I can go on and on, but you get my point. There are two sides to every story with two different perspectives. And yes, we will always be right in our own eyes, but it is not about being right. Its about keeping peace amongst one another. We have to live in a kingdom mindset, not a “me” mindset.

For we are responsible for our OWN conduct (Galatians 6:5 NLT)

Whoever sows to please their flesh from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirt will reap eternal life (Galatians 6:8 NIV)

6. Restored

Be restored by His word.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a WILLING spirit, to sustain me (Psalms 51:12)

Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you (2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT)

7. Pray

Pray for the individual/church that has hurt you. I promise this is part of the healing process. I would also encourage you to not be selfish. Don’t pray ill will. Pray for God to bless them. Don’t allow your hurt to get in the way of your healing?

Confess your sins to each other and PRAY for each other so that you may be HEALED. The earnest prayer of the righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results (James 5:16)

So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up (Romans 14:19)

But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love (Jude 1:20 NLT)

8. Walk in your God given gift

For God’s gifts and His call can never be withdrawn (Romans 11:29 NLT)

My prayer is that you fully heal from church hurt and not allow it to hinder your growth any longer. Move forward, In the name of Jesus! Walk out your God given purpose, utilize your giftings, build the kingdom of God. Find you a body of believers who love God and want to see his kingdom grow. I leave you with these last bible verses:

“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessings. For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. THE EYES OF THE LORD WATCH OVER THOSE WHO DO RIGHT, AND HIS EARS ARE OPEN TO THEIR PRAYERS. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil.” (1 Peter 3:9-12 NLT)