Recently, in my research I hit a place where I had been working on the same project for over a year. I am not quite sure if this is normal (that’s a whole other discussion). Up until this point in my research, I was spending as little as 4 months and as long as 9 months on a project. So working for over a year, with very little to show for it, has not been easy to deal with. However, I can say with a new confidence that today is June 12, 2020, and I’ve finished about 66% of the calculations, but at the cost of starting over.

If you haven’t seen my yearly review from last year, I discuss in greater detail this process, but the Lord has been seeing if I trust Him with my time. Specifically, will I allow Him to dictate my time over my immediate plan (Prov.19:21; Eccl. 3:1; Jeremiah 29:11, Prov. 3:4-5). As someone who is both goal driven and time oriented, this has been a JOURNEY to say the least. More recently, the Lord has been working on me about the process of starting over and the time it takes to do so.

While somewhat true, for the cases of examples like Jonah, starting over has a negative association. I was always taught that if you didn’t pass a test that God had before you that you would continue to go through that test until you choose to do it God’s way. This is not synonymous with starting over. Take the example of Jonah, after his disobedience, God told him to go back and make it right. This may seem like he was put back where he should have started. If you dissect this scripture, though, you’d realize that he was both behind and ahead of where he started simultaneously. (For my math minded individuals, he was a bit tangent to God’s original course for his life.) With this, there were negative consequences for his initial disobedience, but redemptive contingencies for his ultimate deliverance of the message.

Nonetheless, it seems a bit redundant, in our minds, for the Lord to ask us to start over. In my case, after a year of what I perceived to be hard work, I had hit a stagnation in my research. I had holes in the thought process I never filled. I had future problems I couldn’t solve because I had overlooked the past problems. Ultimately, I was so unorganized and disheveled trying to put the pieces together I couldn’t progress. So the Lord spoke to me and told me to start over. Start from the very first research paper read and the very first calculation done.

(Side note: this devastated me. I’m not going to act like I didn’t cry, because I did. I was putting in 10-12 hours a day consistently for about two weeks trying to put the pieces together before this happened and all of that cramming effort felt to be of no use. I had the vision to see the shift that needed to happen, but nominally, it needed to be done.)

All of this to say, once I started over, I can say with confidence that within about a month, I’ve managed to get about 66% of the work done, which is significantly more than I had at the year mark. Beyond my research progression, the Lord was grooming me with three lessons (Each of these points are backed up in scripture. See below):

Submission: He was removing my dependence from myself to Him. I know for a fact that I struggle with pride and idol worship of my education. At this level in my educational career, though, I’ve realized that it’s not about the smarts or hard work. My PhD boils down to prayer, fasting, wisdom, and understanding. Meaning that, no matter how hard I study, or how many hours I put in, God has to be in it, because my earthly best will never be enough.
Restoration/Renewing of the perspective: He was renewing my mind (restoration). Starting over seems negative because you are doing something you seemingly have done before. The difference the second time is that you have context and insight. These two keys are what makes the walk different. The Word says to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). The word for renew in the Greek is anakainōsei. The word literally translates to renewal, renovation, restore, complete change for the better. If you allow God to renew you/restore your view, you allow him to change your perspective. There is a renovation that is taking place. In the same way with an older home, the structure is fine, but the fixtures greater influence the price. This breeds a new expensive and expansive view of the situation. So, as the Lord is restoring you, renewing you, and renovating your old patterns, your new path is privy to the context and insight that you either missed or needed to acquire. From these, you are bound to get much further along any journey (Isaiah 43:18-19).
Refreshment/Revelation of his faithfulness. He was teaching me the power of refreshment. Once I had surrendered my posture, my perspective, and my project to the Lord, I was able to indulge in a time of refill from the Lord. While I’m putting in way more hours on the back end, over the last month, the Lord has given me a new level of devotion and diligence in my research. I’m getting faster, stronger, and smarter in ways I didn’t believe to be possible. Ultimately appropriately refilling my faith in God and my obedience.

While the Lord did these things for me, per the Bible he can do them for you. He shows this example through the life and call of Moses.

When Moses was called to free the Israelites, he had already started a new life that he had forged, but the Lord was calling him to something greater than himself, which required him to “start over”. He was called to return from where he had come and to face not only his shortcomings, but work through his defining inhibitions (speech impediment) for God’s purpose (to speak on behalf of the children of Israel). The first thing that God asked of Moses, though, was to submit himself to the plan. He had to depend solely on God and not his relationships, his abilities, or his status.

God then had Moses take on His perspective. He had to see God for his omniscience, and position himself accordingly to be a vessel for his purpose. When the Lord was sending the plagues, do you not think that Moses was afraid and questioning the plan? Who would’ve known that it would have taken 10 plagues to get Pharaoh to soften his heart enough to give a reneged freedom decree? Only God. The Word even says that the Lord had to go above and beyond so that Moses and the children of Israel “would know that I am the Lord” (Exodus 10:2). In this, the Lord was solidifying Moses’ perspective of his role and God's splendor.

Lastly, while in the midst of the deliverance, the Lord was revealing his faithfulness and refilling Moses for him to continue in his purpose. When he split the Red Sea and lead the people through, the Word says, “the people feared the Lord and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant"(Exodus 14:29-31). Once the Lord had shown Moses a bit of the reward of his obedience, Moses had gained the trust of the people and the favor of the Lord.

I tell you all of this to say simply, there is a particular joy that comes from the Lord starting you over. The start over may be the beginning of a new journey all together. There is an importance to the process of renewal, restoration, and revamping. There is a joy in it. Note that Moses’ greatest season was in the midst of him being turned around. While I don’t feel as though this project is the height of my journey, it is significant for me in the now. There’s no way that Moses would’ve known when the Lord called him at the burning bush that he was going to change the trajectory of an entire people group. In the same way, only God knows what your turning around can lead you to.